new pair of goggles

Video: Golf Pro Bruce Brian Billings

2011-09-13T15:20:00.000-07:00

I'm super proud to have produced a series of how-to videos for golf pro Bruce Brian Billings!! Here's the first and keep an eye out for 4 more!

Somebody trademarked this

2011-06-12T23:09:00.000-07:00

My brother just told me that Pat Riley trademarked the term "three-peat" and wondered if Randy Jackson had trademarked "in it to win it", which apparently Randy's been saying ad nauseum on that singing gameshow this season. I think the phrase has been used by the NY lotto for decades, but just for kicks I did a trademark search on "in it to win it". Apparently lots of people have put a trademark claim on "in it to win it" ( / in it 2 win it / init2winit / in it two win it ), but more impressively, somebody got trademark claim #78041153 for this:

THE IMPACT PLAYER. BECOME AN IMPACT PLAYER. BECOME AN IMPACT PLAYER TODAY! THE HAPPY ART OF BUSINESS & LIFE ACHIEVEMENT. AMERICA'S FUNNIEST BUSINESSMAN FOOTPRINTS OR BUTTPRINTS? FIND YOUR GREENEST PASTURE. STREAMLINE SUCCESS. MAKE A COMMITMENT TO EXCELLENCE. BUILD EQUITY IN YOURSELF. EARN THE RIGHT. EARN THE RIGHT TO SUCCEED. EARN THE RIGHT TO FAIL. THRIVERS, SURVIVORS & CHEVROLET DRIVERS. WE ALL TAKE TURNS IN THE BARREL. THE WORRY CIRCLE. MANAGING THE WORRY CIRCLE. YOUR DAILY DOZEN. CREATE YOUR DAILY DOZEN. CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK, CHANGE YOUR BEHAVIOR, CHANGE YOUR LIFE. CHANGE THE WAY YOU THINK, CHANGE YOUR LIFE. FIND YOUR GREENEST PASTURE. FIX YOUR LIFE. FIX YOUR LIFE IN LESS THAN AN HOUR. WIN THE ONES YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WIN AND SOME OF THE ONES YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO LOSE. ARTFUL SIMPLICITY. BRILLIANT SIMPLICITY. THE ARTFUL SIMPLICITY OF THE COMPLEX. ACCESSIBLE LIFE LESSONS. LAUGH YOUR WAY TO A RICHER, HAPPIER AND MORE SUCCESSFUL WAY OF LIFE. MY FRIENDS & CO-CONSPIRATORS. SHINE YOUR MIRROR. BE BETTER, NOT PERFECT. NEVER LOOK IN THE REARVIEW MIRROR. LIFE'S WHAT YOU DO BETWEEN SHAVES. LIFE'S WHAT HAPPENS BETWEEN SHAVES. SHARE THE LAUGHTER. YOUR WORK IS YOUR AUTOGRAPH -- SIGN WITH A FLOURISH! WORK IS 24% OF YOUR LIFE -- TREAT IT THAT WAY. ONE NEW THING I CAN DO INSTANTLY TO CHANGE MY LIFE AND WORK. TEDSEZ. EARN THE RIGHT. EARN THE RIGHT TO SUCCEED. AND EARN THE RIGHT TO FAIL. SEE THE END AND WORK BACKWARD. NO STINKIN' THINKIN'! DO MORE & WANT LESS. ROLE MODELS -- FOLLOW ONE, BECOME ONE. IT'S OK TO BE A WILD DUCK. BUSINESS & TALENT DEVELOPMENT. THE EFFECTIVE USE OF HUMOR IN BUSINESS. HUMOR & LAUGHTER WORKS IN BUSINESS. WHAT YOU SAY AND HOW YOU SAY IT -- WORD ENGINEERING. THE POWER OF PERSONALITY TYPES. HAPPINESS, CONTENTMENT AND INNER PEACE ARE FAR STRONGER AND MORE POWERFUL THAN FRUSTRATION AND ANGER. WHAT IS YOUR LIFE A UNIQUE LABORATORY FOR? WHAT HAS YOUR LIFE BEEN A UNIQUELY POWERFUL LABORATORY FOR? KNOW WHAT YOU WANT, LOOK FOR WHAT YOU WANT, AND FIND WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR -- IT'S OUT THERE. DON'T GET PICKED OFF SECOND. NEVER LET A COMPETITOR SURPRISE YOU.

So, yeah! You can do whatever you want with that. Maybe laugh your way to a richer, happier and more successful way of life? Shoot, I don't know! Life's what you do between shaves. It's ok to be a wild duck.

I think The Strokes have discovered hope

2011-04-14T11:26:00.000-07:00

Have you guys heard the new Strokes album? It's really good. I hear everything from The Cars and Queen to Men At Work, Red Hot Chili Peppers and the odd touch of Zeppelin (specifically, Robert Plant's wrecked vocals on "Custard Pie"). They even drag out some '80s gated-reverb drums to make you feel icky/awesome. It all sounds warmly familiar, and yet totally fresh and new with the signature Strokes sound. In '80s drag or something.

But also interesting to me is that Julian Casablancas seems to have added a dimension to his standard bored/disappointed/blasé songwriting. I can't think of a Strokes song that you could characterize as "caring" or even "interested", and I've listened the hell out of the first album and perhaps as much of the second album (trying to figure out why it just doesn't sing like the first). But hearing him sing, "Don't go that way / I'll wait for you" on "Under Cover Of Darkness", makes me think it's the first time a Strokes song has used a voice that says "I actually care about something" as opposed to the perpetual detachment/disinterest that they've championed since "Is This It". Compared to the last album, when he sings, "I hate them all / I hate myself", I'd say it's a significant departure.

It's no wonder this thing is the single off the album. It's a banger, and it's bright, and it's filled with hope. I hope it gets lots of play. I'm always tempted to write in the hyperbolic superlative and dub this moment the Great Hipster Awakening or something equally as bold and unverifiable, but I won't. I'll just say that Angles is probably their best album since their first, and I like it a lot. Because this post started as a status update on Facebook and I just had too much to say.

PVT: LIght Up Bright Fires lyrics

2011-02-27T23:42:00.000-08:00

Aside from the Social Network soundtrack, which justly just won an Oscar, I think the album I listened to most last year was PVT's Church With No Magic. So I was a little surprised when I went looking for lyrics to it recently and came up with nothing. Just listen to this song. It's like if Radiohead had INXS's Michael Hutchence for a lead singer:

Even searching for partial lines of these lyrics found nothing, so I transcribed them myself. Can any PVT fans help me out here? Here's what I have:

Never in my whole life / nor in fantasy

Would I end up here / dancing with the enemy

Friends are all married / jobs in the city

No one wants to be there / no one wants to meet

At night we rise / Light up bright fires

Too much of a good thing / coming from a bad place

How did I get here / Beaten in my own race

And all along good night / Garbage in the main street

All God's mysteries / Left up on the back seat

At night we rise / Light up bright fires

Light up bright fires

Smashing Pumpkins' "Siamese Dream" girl is now a Smashing Pumpkin

2011-02-17T20:13:00.000-08:00

If this isn't rad, I don't know what is.

Change something

2010-10-28T13:28:00.001-07:00

Mantra:

UCB Comedy trailers

2010-09-17T20:27:00.000-07:00

Not a lot of people get over to the Upright Citizens Brigade video site ucbcomedy.com, but there's some good stuff over there. Here are three mock trailers I like. I edited the second, which my UCB Beta team, Pantsuit, produced.

Overly Ambitious Ensemble Drama	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Why Are You Still Filming This?	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Crying	UCBcomedy.com

Watch more comedy videos from the twisted minds of the UCB Theatre at UCBcomedy.com

Insane Clown Posse vs. Carl Sagan

2010-04-12T08:15:00.000-07:00

I love that this video:

Was trying to say this:

It's high time for an Insane Clown Posse edition of "Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader?" Seriously:

Stop and look around, it's all astounding
Water, fire, air and dirt
Fucking magnets, how do they work?
And I don't wanna talk to a scientist
Y'all motherfuckers lying, and getting me pissed

...to say nothing of rhyming "Mars" with "stars". A+ ICP!!!!!!!!!

Teh rapture is comming!!!!1

2010-01-02T16:09:00.000-08:00

I can't get over this article about a guy promising that the rapture is finally at hand come May 21, 2011. Oh, did you think it was 2012, according to misinterpretations of Mayan lore?

Harold Camping lets out a hearty chuckle when he considers the people who believe the world will end in 2012. "That date has not one stitch of biblical authority," Camping says.

Ahahaha, so funny, the people who believe it will be in 2012. Especially considering that "On Sept. 6, 1994, dozens of Camping's believers gathered inside Alameda's Veterans Memorial Building to await the return of Christ, an event Camping had promised for two years."

Ahahaha, so funny, the people who believed it would be in 1994. But Camping allowed that he "may" have made a mistake. So this time around, he's got a foolproof method to make sure that his calculations are correct:

Christ hung on the cross April 1, 33 A.D.," he began. "Now go to April 1 of 2011 A.D., and that's 1,978 years."

Camping then multiplied 1,978 by 365.2422 days - the number of days in each solar year, not to be confused with a calendar year.

Next, Camping noted that April 1 to May 21 encompasses 51 days. Add 51 to the sum of previous multiplication total, and it equals 722,500.

Camping realized that (5 x 10 x 17) x (5 x 10 x 17) = 722,500.

Or put into words: (Atonement x Completeness x Heaven), squared.

One word: Phew. I like my science airtight, and this guy's got airtight down to a science. As President Bush said, "Fool me twice... we can't get fooled again!"

Reid and Biz tweet their best business advice

2009-11-17T10:29:00.000-08:00

Here's another video I produced with LinkedIn's Reid Hoffman and Twitter's Biz Stone. Tweet your best business advice today with #in — read more about that here.

I'll be darned if they don't have a Tim and Eric thing going. On the Silicon Valley tip.

Michael Jackson street art: corrected for reality

2009-11-06T23:29:00.000-08:00

Since I saw this rogue tribute to MJ in NYC, I had to amend it to better match reality:

Sam Simkoff on Le Loup's "Family"

2009-11-02T12:45:00.000-08:00

Wrote up an album review for Le Loup's new album Family here and cut a new video from their show at the Echoplex last Wednesday night:

Snapshot of Christmases past: N64 vs Xbox

2009-10-20T18:55:00.000-07:00

Call this disparity a nice social commentary: I saw this video today and couldn't help but think of the second one - watch the first kid "get" an Xbox for Christmas, then watch the second kid get a Nintendo 64 for Christmas. I don't think I've ever seen a sadder YouTube video than this:

Somebody buy that kid an Xbox stat, so he can have the Christmas he deserved, like this:

"Have you even read my online Internet blog?"

2009-10-02T12:29:00.000-07:00

Here's a YouTube video that hits it right on the money. And let me be the first to enshrine this phrase into Google's cache, since nothing comes up yet: "Have you even read my online Internet blog?"

Though I've spoken at social media events for PR Newswire, LA Town Hall and the Havard Business School Assoc. of Southern California, I've conscientiously avoided the title of "social media guy". Here's why (warning — explicit language):

lolz, "Make your check out to TwitBookBlogGuru.com"

UPDATE: it's meme time.

LinkedIn's new Profile Organizer

2009-10-01T15:16:00.000-07:00

If you've ever needed to compile a unique list of candidates, prospects, or professional contacts, LinkedIn just launched a bookmarking feature called Profile Organizer — check out the video I produced for the product below, and read more about it on LinkedIn's Blog, Mashable, ReadWriteWeb, or WebProNews.

I'm concerned that conspiracy is becoming a political movement

2009-09-30T21:43:00.000-07:00

In 2001 sometime, I experienced a guy on the uptown 4,5,6 platform in Manhattan shouting, "Do you understand that if you have a square R with a 5-R configuration, flickering back and forth, you will be shot dead by federal agents. You understand that, right?" (I mentioned this here too.) Right! It was kind of an amusing moment in subway-nut conspiracy think. And I kept an eye out for that 5-R configuration for years, to no avail.

Then a few weeks ago I came across this Xerox of a Wall Street Journal article, scotch-taped to a lamppost in Santa Monica:

This little clipping of colored-pen conspiracy scratch rivals the subway caveat above, in that none of it makes a shred of sense. The underlined text makes no sense; the circled words around it make no sense; and the thread of logic from "Catholic Church" to "Roman Monster" to "chess" to "Berlin Nazi" also, makes no sense. Though I must give this conspiracist props for his flags: they're quite compelling.

I'd typically write this off as another bit of isolated lunacy, but there's a disturbing context for this disjointed bit of crazy. Thomas Friedman might've put it best in an editorial today, in which he opines the "poisonous political environment" being created by conservatives, who seek to delegitimize the president by any means possible. The wanton Hitler comparisons, the interchangeable cries of fascist/communist/socialist, the shouting of "you lie" by a congressman during a presidential address — it was just this kind of environment that emboldened a right-wing Jewish nationalist to assassinate Yitzhak Rabin.

For RNC chairman Michael Steel to call Friedman a "nut job" reveals that conservative leadership is in denial of the toxic stew they're fomenting. "[They're] saying, because you disagree with the president on policy," Steel said, "that all of the sudden we're going to make this leap into, you know, assassinations and all this other stuff." No, Mr. Steel — what Friedman is saying that your rhetoric is whipping up an uninformed fringe to take that action. And the facts point to that possibility.

A credible white supremacist assassination plot was already foiled last year; death threats against the president are up 400% this year; Fox-inspired protesters proudly carry signs saying, "We came unarmed — this time." Just yesterday, a conservative editor wrote an article outlining the possibility of a military coup to dethrone the president, suggesting it was better than letting the president achieve his goals: "A coup is not an ideal option," the editor wrote, "but Obama’s radical ideal is not acceptable."

If these aren't signs that the heated rhetoric is having a dangerous influence, I don't know what would be. It's well time the conservative movement — Fox and all — dissociated itself from this lunatic fringe. If they want to lead this democracy in a different direction, they need to assume a responsible leadership role that doesn't score points by slurs, smears, and disinformation. Until then, they are stoking the indiscriminate anger of a volatile minority, and their base will continue to evolve into something like this guy:

And yikes! — who knows what he's capable of?

Is Ralph Nader the anti-Ayn Rand?

2009-09-27T23:21:00.000-07:00

If Ayn Rand's life thesis is Atlas Shrugged, I think I just found its antithesis in this week's New Yorker. Raffi Khatchadourian writes that Ralph Nader "has been secretly working on his first novel":

...The book, called "Only the Super-Rich Can Save Us!," is seven hundred and thirty-six pages long, and it contains dozens of characters, many of them real people... who act out Nader's political fantasies. By the last page, most of the reforms that Nader has been arguing for all these years end up being enacted. Corporations are neutered. Third parties win. America is reborn."

So where Rand argued that only the super-rich can save us by following selfish aims, championing the dollar and driving the bloodsucking government into the ground, Nader will argue that only the super-rich can save us by thinking of the greater good, enacting wise regulation and driving corporate greed into the ground. How's that for a philosophical grudge match?

It sounds like Nader's even aiming for a Rand-sized tome, though he's got a few hundred pages to go if he wants to match Atlas Shrugged. That shouldn't be too hard if he follows Rand's formula: just have his protagonist outline his philosophical worldview in a climactic courtroom scene or rogue takeover of the nation's media. No problem! Rand's digressions are always cut and paste; they could be in any book, anywhere. Maybe Nader could just make his final chapter be In Pursuit of Justice — just drop that puppy right in there, and he'd satisfy the perfect Ayn Rand template. What a masterstroke of poli-sci-fi agit-prop that could be.

I'm intrigued to read Only the Super-Rich Can Save Us!, if only to see it go eye-for-eye and tooth-for-tooth with Atlas Shrugged. That pairing of fictional ambitions is definitely unsafe at any speed.

Daniel Libeskind: Van Halen homage?

2009-09-14T09:20:00.000-07:00

Check out this new development south of the Staples Center in LA: apparently it was designed by Daniel Libeskind, best known for his World Trade Center redux. One might describe the architecture as "early Van Halen," with a fretboard and headstock rising gracefully from a laser-striped solid-body. I'd call it homage. Or is it infringement? I believe Eddie copyrighted the mad laser-striping look, if his action against Nike is any indication.

Either way, I'm sure they'll call it something preposterous like The Residencies at LA Live, but considering China's CCTV building is known as "big pants," I'm gonna say Libeskind's latest will be more affectionately known as the "Hot for Teacher" building.

The perils of frames: hey, toolbar

2009-09-01T23:51:00.000-07:00

Earlier today, I experienced my first toolbar-upon-toolbar, when LinkedIn's ActionBar doubled down on Alltop's toolbar. So I did the only logical thing and submitted it to StumbleUpon to see if I could get three times my toolbar pleasure. Su.pr! It worked. Then I got all ahead of myself and submitted it to Digg, to see if I could get the Digg Toolbar all up ins for a four-plex of barspam, but every time it went to load, it looked like StumbleUpon's toolbar canceled out Digg's toolbar. Which seems uncool, considering.

Finally I tried to see if I could get Facebook's frame to party down, but I discovered that Facebook's frame doesn't seem to pop up anymore. I checked a bunch of my friends' links to see if any prompted the Facebook frame, and it still wouldn't come out to play. Which got me wondering: has Facebook become the moral leader in the toolbar frame space?

I challenge the Internets to a reach a non-Photoshopped toolbar sextacular (no, as in, six toolbars): game the system to throw on a Digg toolbar, maybe a Twig AdBar, and any other third-party framers on top of the three above. I got you halfway there; the emotional investment is too much for me to take it to the next level. The second half of the challenge would be X'ing out all the frames and successfully navigating back to the original article, which, ironically, is about good social media design.

RockMelt logo looks like evil dotMac

2009-08-14T09:16:00.000-07:00

There's only so much you can do with drawing lines around a globe to represent how the Internet connects us. Marc Andreessen's new RockMelt project takes that logo meme to the hyperbolic superlative: apparently, this browser will liquefy the earth with its blazing innovation. Literally making the world a smaller place.

I guess I can get on board with that, though I still have this nagging feeling that RockMelt's designers just looked at Apple's old .Mac logo and said, "Let's corrupt that." Like they took the .Mac sphere, with it's hopeful points of light, and said, "Let's turn those into lacerations, where evil spirits are escaping the bowels of hell." You can actually count about four exact paths they've ripped off from the .Mac logo, all to build the hype that RockMelt will destroy the geophysics we rely on to hold the planet together.

Fair enough. If once we complained about an Internet Explorer monopoly, we've now got Firefox, Safari, Flock, Opera, Chrome and others. Segmentation seems to be the theme for advanced commercial civilization, and we all know competition is good for a rational marketplace. So if IE is still Rome, maybe RockMelt will destroy the empire in a way we can all get behind.

But we'll know their designers were probably using Safari.

Read more: Mashable | New York Times | TechCrunch

O; snap! Tron Legacy Trailer

2009-07-27T15:20:00.001-07:00

Good lord, there's something about indiglo that makes me whole. How awesome that Jeff Bridges and Bruce Boxleitner are part of this — let's hope Disney takes care of the details. We've only waited 25 years for a sequel. Srsly, the Tron franchise makes Star Trek look like Small Wonder.

And if you really want the scoop on this premiere, you'll need to watch this too:

State of the MJ funeral

2009-07-07T11:40:00.001-07:00

In addition to being a cultural moment for the world, Michael Jackson's funeral is like a status update for the tech and media landscape. We see Hulu teamed up with Fox, CNN with Facebook, USTREAM partnered with CBS and Twitter, and MySpace rolling solo. And I must say, MySpace has the clearest and largest picture, the cleanest sound, and the freshest stream. Could be because they're based out of LA, or because their stream isn't tied to a media dinosaur, but they're really cleaning up on their own turf. It's nice to see MySpace own it where they should be — music and pop culture.

It's also a reminder of what basic Internet service is now capable of: I've got four live video streams coming through my cable connection, hardly any of them hitching. MySpace has crystal clear picture and real bass. I'm watching live tweets and status updates and texting another friend about the service.

And as my friend texting points out, you really can't help but notice that no other entertainer compared to Michael. He was like the Secretariat of entertainers — no one even came close.

30 Rock: a nod to two generations of gamers

2009-05-18T18:26:00.000-07:00

For those that missed it, 30 Rock subtly covered two decades of gaming in a scene last week — Tina Fey's character went from imitating Mario in Donkey Kong to drawing a life lesson from The Sims about 30 seconds later. She starts by admonishing Alec Baldwin for being too Irish:

Be Italian for like one second: "I'm-a Jack, I don't know who-a my father is, I'm-a so emotional I'm going to smash-a these barrels..."

And then seconds later she shares what she knows about fatherhood:

Look Jack, I don't have a lot of personal life experience, but if I have learned anything from my Sims family... when a child doesn't see his father enough, he starts to jump up and down. And then his mood level will drop... until he pees himself.

Seriously, who on the 30 Rock staff is playing The Sims? I honestly can't name one person who's played it, but apparently it's the best-selling video game franchise of all time with over 100 million copies sold (I'm guessing mostly in Japan). I'll confess I was addicted to Sim City 2000 in high school, but only because I was a master of civic orchestration. And because you could raises taxes to 20%, and then cut it to 19%, and they would cheer. Every time. Heh heh, stupid Sims.

Btw, if you haven't seen The King of Kong, I highly recommend it. Now there's a story of heroes and villains...

2009-05-06T09:42:00.001-07:00

For the tweetiest in the tri-state area: www.twitter.com/getzsch

2009-05-05T15:25:00.001-07:00

LinkedIn turns 6 today, reaches 40 million members. "How I did it" by Reid Hoffman in Inc Mag: http://is.gd/wZTH

2009-05-04T09:38:00.001-07:00

Rega P1, yum. Loving vinyl time after three years without a turntable: http://www.rega.co.uk/

Kleinrock: The first word over the Internet, 1969

2009-04-10T09:44:00.000-07:00

Los Angeles Magazine featured an article last month by Leonard Kleinrock - best known for leading the group at UCLA that developed the Arpanet - about the past and future of the Internet. There's a lot of kitchen-of-the-future talk about what the Internet will do for us soon and a lot of good trivial history on how the Internet came to be - not the least of which is the fact that the Internet crashed after transmitting two just letters of a word.

On the structure of the first Net, Kleinrock tells us,

UCLA would be the first node. Other nodes would be the Stanford Research Institute, the University of California at Santa Barbara, and the University of Utah. Each node would consist of one or more host computers and an Interface Message Processor, or IMP ... [the IMP] was as big as a refrigerator, with a military-hardened gray metal case and a door the full length of it. Inside is was so ugly it was beautiful. Copper, brass, Three rows of lights and rows of toggle switches. A knob with six stops. A headphone like the ones that the early telephone operators used, with an earpiece made of black Bakelite and a little round microphone to speak into at the end of a curved piece of metal.

Sounds like a hell of a modem, worthy of attention from Mark Richards. If only Comcast had to dispatch these to every customer. Kleinrock says he offered it to the Smithsonian, but they couldn't guarantee it would be on display so he kept it, and it'll be on display at the anniversary in October at UCLA.

At 10:30 p.m. on October 29, 1969, Charley Kline, one of my programmers, and I sat down and started to log on from UCLA to SRI ... All we wanted to do was log on. So Charley typed an L. "You get the L?" "Got the L." "Did you get the O?" "Got the O." Typed the G. "Did you get the G?" And crash! The system went down ... There had been a memory overflow at SRI.

I can see why it crashed. They sent at least 24 bits of information over that puppy. That's asking a lot. The end result being that the first word sent over the Internet was "lo" - Kleinrock says, "as in 'Lo and behold.' Truth is, we couldn't have created a better, more concise message. It was prophetic."

The Great Return of the Infidel

2009-03-13T23:06:00.000-07:00

Here's the four paintings put together, in lyrical order:

Robots on a Fast!

2009-03-12T21:05:00.000-07:00

4 of 4, from "The Great Return of the Infidel."

A wrap-up of all four tomorrow.

Dogs Eating Chocolate!

2009-03-11T20:34:00.000-07:00

3 of 4, from "The Return of the Great Infidel."

Raccons in the Trash!

2009-03-11T00:01:00.000-07:00

2 of 4, from "The Return of the Great Infidel."

Righteous Indignation!

2009-03-09T21:12:00.001-07:00

New art, featuring lyrics from a song I wrote in 2002 or so, called "The Great Return of the Infidel". I only did a demo recording of it, never a proper studio cut. This is the first in a series of four I'll post this week:

The lyrics to the chorus went,

Righteous indignation! Raccoons in the trash!
Dogs eating chocolate! Robots on a fast!
But some people never learn
And prophecies might burn you
And this is the great return of the infidel

Someday I'll get around to giving it a proper recording. Until then, just visualizations of the main characters.

Zach Galifianakis' ads for Absolut Vodka

2009-03-04T20:20:00.000-08:00

Watch all three of these. I actually watched the last one, at over seven minutes, twice. I think of these, compared to, like, McDonalds' smarmy latte ads, and I think, advertising needs help to get to this level. It's just not there yet.

Christian Lander on CNN

2009-01-30T12:44:00.000-08:00

I'm not sure which I love more, Stuff White People Like or its related predecessor, Black People Love Us!

Coppola on Finian's Rainbow

2009-01-26T11:44:00.000-08:00

"Films are like haiku; they express a thought or an emotion in very few words and using just the being of the actors to do it."

—Francis Ford Coppola, from the director's commentary of "Finian's Rainbow"

I recently finished Moviemakers' Master Class by Laurent Tirard, a book I picked up in Cannes during the film festival last year. Over the course of reading, I compiled a short list of films I had to watch for homework. One of those films came from this quote by Ethan Coen:

"I remember when we worked with Nicolas Cage on Raising Arizona, we talked about his uncle, Francis Ford Coppola, and told him that Finian's Rainbow, which hardly anyone has ever seen, was one of our favorite films. He told his uncle, who I think has considered us deranged ever since."

So obviously I put down the book and Netflixed Finian's Rainbow. Have you heard of it? No, no you haven't. No one has. It may as well be a Mystery Science Theater 3000 special, except that would've distinguished it some. So I watched it. Actually, I couldn't finish it. I shut it off about when the creepy male lead Woody is romancing his way into Petula Clark's heart by forcing himself on her in the woods at midnight. (They called that courting back in the day.) But today I put on the commentary by Francis Ford Coppola, and found it to be an excellent experience. Much better than watching the belabored 145 minute musical itself.

In the commentary, Coppola explains how he got the job directing the Warner Brothers musical — Fred Astaire's final pic — at age 29, with only a thesis film under his belt. He also critiques his job as a young director, musing how the young Coppola thought his job was to invent subplots and tell the actors where to go. The experienced Coppola says, rather, it was his job to pare down the film to its essence and help the actors follow their best impulses. His commentary nicely complements Tirard's book, which conspicuously lacks a chapter on Coppola.

The movie is overlong, though beautiful and swelled with earnest musical naïveté. A leprechaun turns mortal when his pot of gold is stolen. A mute girl dances to communicate what she can't speak. A racist senator is turned into a black man on a magical wish. You know, musical stuff.

It's an ambitious film, stuck squarely in the tradition of big musicals but with progressive aims and exhausted stereotypes living in awkward coexistence. Coppola tells us what we really want to hear — how his young career dovetailed with the old Hollywood style before departing on a different course of small, personal films, shot on location with handheld cameras, aggressively telling the truth. If nothing else, the movie is worth seeing just for the opening credits, a gorgeous montage of American panoramas from coast to coast. But more to see the curious foundation that launched Coppola's career.

If you missed The Dance Party in LA this weekend...

2009-01-14T23:19:00.000-08:00

... you're kidding yourself. Los Angeles was rocked fourfold by my friends from DC, The Dance Party. They demolished a small club east of the 5 called The Airliner Thursday night, flamed the Roxy on Friday, played a raging acoustic set streaming live on Boxeight, and finally tore down a place called Cinespace before leaving Monday morning.

The Dance Party make very good music and put on a very good show, two things many bands fail to do. When they toured with my band and Gist on the Indie Roots tour, they helped make a week of mostly-empty venues feel like a stadium tour. Those are my guitars they're playing, so I'm down from day one, like, tight yo.

Dig the erotic slow crane up Mick's body at :35. Kinda makes a guy feel uncomfortable.

The Dance Party is the third DC band I've been able to catch out here in DC since moving in 2007. These United States and Le Loup have both crossed the nation too, and both put on great shows. Lots of good music coming out of the nation's capitol. Click here for more Dance Party photos and stay tuned for more HD...

Hello! Palmer: The graphic correspondence of Fred H. Given

2009-01-01T16:42:00.000-08:00

My family used to summer in Maine, where my grandfather built a cabin. Sometime in the mid-'90s, I visited an auction in Fryeburg or Lovell with my mom. We didn't know much about anything being auctioned. It was mostly antiques and old art, but the mystery of the unknown made everything felt historically important. I think my mom may have won some furniture or old woven rugs. Towards the end, they were auctioning off a pack of original pencil-drawings that seemed to attract little interest.

"Should we bid on them?" my Mom asked.

We did, and we won, since no seemed to care or know anything about them. They were a set of drawings on postcards and notecards spanning from 1917 to 1923, from the artist Fred H. Givens to Palmer Straw of Portland, Maine.

Their correspondence offered a few small mysteries, since we only had one half of the correspondence, most of which detailed Givens' visiting and cleaning up an old farm and camp in South Paris, Maine. When Givens isn't detailing his work on the farm, he's apologizing for the "rather poor" sketches he's turning out. Who were these two? What was their relationship that Frank cared enough to document his travels in sketch and mail them?

Givens' postcards document a few locations beyond his vacationing in Maine, including one from France as early as 1917, others from South Boston and Norfolk, Virginia, and a final sketch from Southampton dated 1923. This last date helps us confirm a few things about Givens.

A passenger list of the Atlantic ship Leviathan on Ancestry.com notes that Givens returned from Southampton on October 15, 1923, in sync with the date of his final postcard. The same document notes that he lived at 61 Smith Ave, Bay Shore, Long Island, was born June 12, 1891 in Auburn, New York and was married.

Palmer Straw is enshrined in the folds of collegiate history. The General Catalogue of Bowdoin College, 1794-1916, lists Straw as a Portland, Maine residence, born July 5, 1887 in Gorham, Maine, and a graduate of the Class of 1911. Another document on Ancestry.com notes that he was "tall, of medium build with brown eyes and dark hair," was listed as a clerk in the Portland City Directory of 1915, and claimed exemption from World War I as "not fit for service" by doctor's orders. He never married, apparently stayed home as a caretaker for his mother, and died young at 57 in June of 1945.

No great revelations from their history, but their incomplete correspondence makes me wonder how they met, why they kept in touch, what Givens did with his artistic skills and if his work ever took a more ambitious form. His postcards offer the equivalent of an iPhoto library today, except each took great deliberation, even if they were dashed off. Where we shoot prolifically, if pointlessly, with our digital lenses, each of Givens' drawings were thoughtfully composed and carefully rendered by hand. Is there more Givens material out there? I'll post more if and when I discover any. See the complete set here.

Coreaudiod not responding - Pro Tools and Mac OS X

2009-01-01T12:17:00.000-08:00

For the last year, doing anything with sound on my Mac system has been a major hassle. This is due to a Digidesign bug that causes the Core Audio daemon to stop responding. When this happens, which is always and constantly, I have to trick my system into playing audio through my speakers. Otherwise I'm getting sound through the tiny speaker hidden in the PowerMac beneath my desk.

Despite tips suggested in this Apple Support thread and a known issue post at Digidesign Support, tricking my system (G5 PPC Dual 1.8 GHz, OS X 10.5.4) into playing sound involves the following steps:

1. Booting, or rebooting if the CoreAudio Manager has failed during use.

2. Launch Activity Monitor (Applications>Utilities>Activity Monitor).

3. Launch System Preferences and click through to Sound>Output.

4. Launch iTunes (as the quickest path to testing sound output).

5. Highlight "coreaudiod (Not Responding)" and click "Quit Process", enter admin password.

6. Verify that "Digidesign HW (003)" is selected as the output device.

7. Play a selection in iTunes, make sure the Digi 003 isn't muted and speakers are on.

8. If no sound, repeat.

That's a lot of process just to get system sound through the speakers. I must repeat this process if I need to use Pro Tools, because once you've activated the CoreAudio Manager, Pro Tools will think that it's still in use, even after you quit it.

This illustrates the complications of software-driven tools. If the Digi 003 rack was pure hardware (or at least it's input/output were hardware-driven), sound would work as soon as it had power, no fiddling with the OS. Pro Tools is one of the more complex softwares out there, and it feels like Digidesign has a touch of the Windows lack of simplicity. Considering the months to years they take to update Pro Tools for the latest Mac OS, it seems like the protocol could be simplified somewhere. Or rebuilt from the ground up? That said, Pro Tools is really money when it's working...

Gore sketches America's fourth republic for Obama

2008-11-09T01:30:00.000-08:00

Two informed articles this weekend offer an inspired context and vision for the next chapter of American history. On Friday, Michael Lind outlined the three major republics of American history over at Salon. And today in the New York Times, Al Gore seems to respond by presenting a plan for the initial phase of the fourth.

Lind's "Obama and the dawn of the Fourth Republic" argues that America's republics start with a Hamiltonian impulse to big government solutions and conclude with a period of Jeffersonian reform seeking to pare down the federal buildup. His timeline lays the hammer on the outgoing administration, putting it helplessly in a class with Hoover's and Buchanan's:

The final president of a republic tends to be a failed, despised figure. The First Republic, which began with George Washington, ended with James Buchanan, a hapless president who refused to act as the South seceded after Lincoln's election. The Second Republic, which began with Abraham Lincoln, ended with the well-meaning but reviled and ineffectual Herbert Hoover. The Third Republic, founded by Franklin Roosevelt, came to a miserable end under the pathetic George W. Bush.

But more to the point, Lind speculates that technologies and economies of the age correspond to the cycles of political backlash:

Lincoln's Second American Republic marked a transition from an agrarian economy to one based on the technologies of the first industrial revolution -- coal-fired steam engines and railroads. Roosevelt's Third American Republic was built with the tools of the second industrial revolution -- electricity and internal combustion engines. It remains to be seen what energy sources -- nuclear? Solar? Clean coal? -- and what technologies -- nanotechnology? Photonics? Biotech-- will be the basis of the next American economy.

Al Gore presents his own five-point answer in "The Climate for Change":

Here’s what we can do — now: we can make an immediate and large strategic investment to put people to work replacing 19th-century energy technologies that depend on dangerous and expensive carbon-based fuels with 21st-century technologies that use fuel that is free forever: the sun, the wind and the natural heat of the earth.

Gore's points run the fiscal-eco-political gamut: 1) large-scale government investments in solar, wind and thermal; 2) a $400 billion dollar unified electric grid that would pay for itself in three years; 3) a package for big automakers and startups alike to accelerate hybrid auto adoption; 4) tie mortgage relief to an initiative retrofitting buildings and houses with energy-efficient insulation, windows and lighting; 5) trailblaze a Kyoto treaty replacement next year capping global carbon emissions and reducing deforestation.

Indeed, these measures summarize quite nicely the new technologies and economies that will define America's fourth republic. Together, the articles lend credence to the abundant comparisons of Obama to Lincoln and FDR, the presidents who launched the last two American republics. This means the energy and sense of change felt by most Americans isn't just real, it has a historical precedent. And noting the energetic youth engaged with Obama's presidential campaign, Gore offers a very real analogy of hope:

In an earlier transformative era in American history, President John F. Kennedy challenged our nation to land a man on the moon within 10 years. Eight years and two months later, Neil Armstrong set foot on the lunar surface. The average age of the systems engineers cheering on Apollo 11 from the Houston control room that day was 26, which means that their average age when President Kennedy announced the challenge was 18.

If Obama challenges America, as he has and surely will, to come together and make change, just think where we could be in 10 years. The mind stretches to fathom what the unified thought and might of 300 million Americans couldn't accomplish.

Show Me the President

2008-11-06T14:03:00.000-08:00

With this election, Missouri is has become a tainted bellweather.

That's okay. Missouri will always be the first place to elect a dead man to the Senate.

Talking digital with Hulu, JibJab and Thumplay

2008-11-05T10:01:00.000-08:00

My latest segment on the LinkedIn Blog ran Monday, and it's quite a scoop. Where else have you been able to catch Hulu CEO Jason Kilar, JibJab CEO Gregg Spiridellis, and Thumbplay SVP Mitch Rotter alongside the "Don't Copy That Floppy" guy and gratuitous tours of the Oscar Meyer Wienermobile? Nowhere, that's where.

Perhaps most interesting in this piece, Hulu CEO Kilar touches briefly on piracy: "You're much better off competing and building a delightful service," Kilar says, "as opposed to thinking that you can stop and shut down things through gateways." That's a quantum leap for anyone in Hollywood. They may have realized that the best way to beat piracy is actually to compete, to actually make it easier to buy or watch your favorites than to steal them. Is that a better investment than millions of dollars in lawsuits against fans and websites? Methinks.

Also check out JibJab CEO Spiridellis touch on the best way to build a brand digitally, and Thumbplay SVP Rotter note that the mobile space is a marketplace that people keep with them every waking hour of the day. According to Juniper, goods purchased via mobile will be a $300 billion marketplace by 2013 ... though perhaps that's a conservative estimate when you're selling pdfs for almost $3000.

Creative professionals: put video on your LinkedIn profile

2008-10-29T09:33:00.000-07:00

UPDATE: See below for how to put video on your profile with Box.net.

With the launch of the LinkedIn Applications platform, creative professionals can finally embed video on their LinkedIn profiles. Whether you're an artist, graphic designer, 3D animator, producer, filmmaker, telejournalist or actor, you need video to visually illustrate your creative accomplishments. It's one of the most common requests I've received when lecturing on LinkedIn. And now you can do it with Google Presentations or Box.net.

The process is simple: use Google Docs to create a presentation and embed a YouTube video in the presentation. Then install the Google Presentation app on LinkedIn and select that presentation to be displayed on your profile. With this solution, people can watch YouTube videos right on your profile. If you prefer to have a list of video files they can download, or a video not on YouTube, you can use the Box.net application to put a fileshare folder on your profile too.

UPDATE: What the demo below doesn't cover is Box.net's excellent capacity to play Flash video right on your LinkedIn profile. So while Google Presentation requires you to embed YouTube into a presentation, Box.net simply requires you to covert the video into Flash format (.flv) and drop it into your profile folder.
See my LinkedIn profile for an example - when you click on the LinkedIn Apps video, it loads and plays because it is in the .flv format. Whereas if you click on the LinkedIn Cannes video, it downloads, because it's in the .mp4 format. Here's a simple step-by-step:

Install the Box.net app on LinkedIn
Click on the folder labeled "Profile folder"
Click on the blue arrow and select "Upload"
Select a .flv/Flash video file from your computer

Once it's uploaded, anyone can view the video from your profile.

LinkedIn's application platform video series

2008-10-28T22:19:00.000-07:00

So I've been mighty busy with lots of video editing work, and tonight I can finally showcase what I've been up to. For tonight's release of the LinkedIn Application platform, I produced demo videos for Amazon, Google, Typepad, Wordpress, Huddle, Box.net, Slideshare, TripIt, and two others created by LinkedIn. I also cut a sizzle reel showcasing all of them to entice you into their app-itude:

TechCrunch has aggregated all the demos together on their post, and you can read more from CNet, Newsweek, VentureBeat, Reuters, the New York Times or the Wall Street Journal. Also, the corporate blogs of LinkedIn, Wordpress, Huddle, Slideshare, Box.net, Typepad and TripIt have covered the app launch — expect much more fuss made of it in the next 24 hours and beyond...

And btw, the apps are great. Log on to LinkedIn and start using them. So far, my favorites are Box, TripIt and CompanyBuzz, but I'll be trying out the others soon enough.

Craigslist barter of the day: classic car for cemetery plot

2008-10-25T13:08:00.000-07:00

If the economy is literally killing you, Jeff in Whittier, California has a proposition:

AN OFFER TO DIE FOR!!!

I'm looking for a classic car 1959 thru 1973 ... I have cemetery property located at Rose Hills Memorial Park ... Are you starting to get the picture here?

I'll trade twice the valued amount of your classic in cemetery property!

... Hard times render creative times, and would'nt you like to double your money on that classic out in the driveway? I'm not going to be to picky here, but would really prefer a Chevy Corvair ...

Trading the family plot for a Corvair: a new economic low? Defying death with consumer lust? Or maybe this guy actually just wants a Corvair to be buried in. Then again, if you ask Ralph Nader, a Corvair and a cemetery plot are pretty much the same thing.

The Dance Party enforce a groove embargo

2008-10-22T22:46:00.000-07:00

My old friends from Washington, DC, The Dance Party, have redesigned their MySpace page and are enforcing the rarely used groove embargo: they've only got one track on their profile.

"Sasha Don't Sleep" easily proves The Dance Party is the best band of the '80s, despite being a modern act. The adrenaline, the fist-pumping, the synthology. They're hyper-attuned to the mandate to move one's body to the insistent party beat. If you've ever been to their shows, you know that the mandate cannot be rebuffed. The fact that they regularly sell out the nation's best venue, the 9:30 Club, should sum it up. They play New York City this Friday night, followed by Halloween in Baltimore. If ever there were a party in Baltimore, surely it's The Dance Party on Halloween.

Go dig their latest track - hopefully a full album will emerge from this, hopefully on the well-deserved major label, hopefully with a million-dollar advance. If we're throwing back to the '80s, it's only fair.

I dreamt of Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg

2008-10-20T21:57:00.000-07:00

A series of ongoing celebrity encounters that happen, literally, in my dreams.

Right about the time Microsoft launched the Seinfeld ads, but before they canceled them, I dreamed that I walked into a diner around lunchtime. There, lunching at the counter were Bill Gates and Mark Zuckerberg. As opposed to my other dreams, where I'm old friends with distinguished leaders, I didn't know either of them. They were just there, having sandwiches at the counter. I planned not to bother them, but as I passed the counter, Zuckerberg excused himself, so I stopped and mentioned to Gates that I loved him in the Seinfeld ads. Moreso than Seinfeld, really.

Not too long later, I got this on LinkedIn:

FIN

Dr. Robert Sapolsky: Stressed? Try being a medieval peasant

2008-09-22T17:26:00.000-07:00

Wednesday night at 8 pm on PBS, check out National Geographic's "Stress: Portrait of a Killer". It's a pretty killer special itself, about Dr. Robert Sapolsky, a Stanford professor I interviewed earlier this month for LinkedIn. Read more here, and check out the video of our interview below.

All documentary footage courtesy Stanford/National Geographic.

Seinfeld Microsoft Shill Recalls Fellini, YouTube

2008-09-05T07:16:00.000-07:00

The reviews on Seinfeld shilling for Microsoft came out long before the ad itself (below), and the verdict was unanimous: not good. The obvious facts were pointed out: Seinfeld notoriously used an Apple on his sitcom, he was featured in an Apple "Think Different" spot, he was relevant in the late '90s, and like Windows, is somewhat past his prime. And he's already shilled for American Express in the past, authoring the ads himself.

Now the ad is out, and some say that, like the sitcom, it seems to be about nothing. Perhaps that's true — Jerry offering Bill Gates a churro and asking if he wears his clothes in the shower does seem like so much whimsy, but it doesn't have the ring of everyday truth that the show had. This is not about re-gifters or man-hands or close-talkers, it's about two mega-rich celebrities meeting in a discount shoe mart. This signals high-concept.

From there, it gets muddled. Seinfeld helps Gates find the right fit for a shoe called "The Conquistador", proclaiming, "You're a 10." A Latino family asks through the window, "Is that The Conquistador?" At check-out, Bill's Clown Club membership id features the mugshot from his 1977 arrest for running a stoplight.

The spots aims for metaphor and semaphore, painting a surreal context for a grand joke: two millionaires walk into a bar. Except the bar is a shoe store, and there's no punchline, just a series of escalating one-liners that aren't especially funny, almost as if Seinfeld is the court jester of the Clown Club, trying desperately to get a laugh out of the king. But Gates is likably stolid, while Seinfeld is annoying, like a bad impression of Seinfeld's trademark humor.

Finally, Seinfeld asks the million-dollar question: "I'm just wondering, are they ever going to come out with something that will make our computers moist and chewy, so we can just eat 'em while we're working?" Gates signals yes with a discrete booty shake.

One can only think of Fellini or David Lynch, where no resolutions are offered, no conclusions are drawn, and only a vague emotion or feeling has been composed over the duration of a piece. This, combined with a production value and comedic timing that recalls a YouTube sketch troupe, makes for a disorienting experience. The high concept is respectable, but the execution is lamentable. It parodies a canon of situational comedy advertising, but it doesn't communicate an effective message or meaningful moment.

How about this: two millionaires walk into an Apple Store. One picks up an iPod and says, "What is the deal with these iPods?" and the other says, "What am I, Bill Gates?" And then security ushers them out.

Radiohead covers Neil Young at the Hollywood Bowl

2008-08-27T13:49:00.000-07:00

I don't know why it never occurred to me that Thom Yorke would be a natural to cover Neil Young, but this is beautiful. And there's something lovely about seeing Radiohead play with a couple of acoustic guitars.

via Pitchfork

See also: I dreamt of Neil Young and Bob Dylan

Classic MySpace: iPhone app error

2008-08-21T23:14:00.000-07:00

Even on the MySpace app for iPhone, error messages are part of the experience. At least the character of the app is consistent with what you get online. Though it kind of makes me nostalgic for the days when all you could get out of MySpace was, "This error has been forwarded to MySpace's technical group." Those were the days.

Go see "In Search of a Midnight Kiss"

2008-08-20T13:32:00.000-07:00

On the LinkedIn blog this week, I cover a question from Hollywood producer Seth Caplan. It's about this film he has out, In Search of a Midnight Kiss, an indie flick that is only in 25 theaters nationwide. Because of that, I recommend going to see it. It's a good film, it has heart, it has humor. It deserves your bucks much more so than the blockbusters that are currently out there.

I happened to catch this film at its LA debut at the Downtown Film Festival. My friend Jeremiah had an extra ticket, so I came along, not knowing what to expect. The reviews out there pretty much cover all the immediate associations: this film is a fine blend of Woody Allen's Manhattan plus Linklater's Before Sunrise, with just the right amount of Clerks and a touch of Swingers. And if you can relate to the romance of social networks, you'll die laughing when the best friend tells the lead character, looking for a date on New Year's Eve, "you've got to get on Craigslist, man, you don't have time for all that MySpace shit." Where every Internet love story from You've Got Mail to Must Love Dogs failed pathetically to capture any real soul, In Search of a Midnight Kiss nails it perfectly. And subtly, without knocking you over the head with it.

Adding to the story, director Alex Holdridge told the audience that they'd made the flick for $12,000, pulling heavily from autobiographical anectodage and drawing on friends to act and shoot. Another $13,000 got the film to an HD master that they could transfer to celluloid. So for $25,000, this group of filmmaking friends made a great film. This is the kind of feelgood story that you want to get behind.

Get behind it, go see it this weekend. You won't regret it. The movies are supposed to put you somewhere, and this film does just that, proving it's not the budget that makes the magic.

Granddaddy of Phone Phreaking a Christian Scientist?

2008-08-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

Joybubbles, the grandaddy of Phone Phreaking, was apparently a Christian Scientist, or studied it at the least. On a new website dedicated to the history of Phone Phreaking, this passage about Joybubbles' apartment caught my eye (emphasis added):

What's this? Oh, an old military AUTOVON telephone, complete with the magic extra Touch-Tone button labeled "FO ("Flash Override") that Generals were supposed to use to alert the President in the event of war. It's next to half a dozen other telephones and boxes of wires, connectors, and components. And this? Oh, that's a complete Braille bible ... next to the complete Braille Mary Baker Eddy Christian Science text ... next to a complete Braille Webster's dictionary. Which are all next to a 1970 Pacific Telephone/AT&T training manual for the #1 electronic switching system (ESS) ... a gold mine if you were a phone hacker like Joybubbles was back in the day.

Here's a guy born blind with perfect pitch who accidently discovered at age 7 that he could manipulate the national telephone system by whistling into the receiver. He's an interesting character, who can be traced as the inspiration behind Steve Jobs and Steve Wozniak's first retail collaboration, a blue box that that did electronically what Joybubbles could do with his whistle. The New York Times published a fitting obituary late last year.

Joybubbles was an ordained minister of his own Church of Eternal Childhood, reflecting a lifelong desire to return to the innocence of youth. But it's interesting that he was packing heat with the Bible, Science and Health and Webster's. Perhaps his reverse-engineering of the phone system offered some metaphysical insight into the underlying cause of things. If nothing else, he was a poster boy for the kind of undying curiosity that inspires people like Jobs and Wozniak to invent wonderful things. Because the world is full of wonder, but sometimes, you need a Joybubbles to remind you.

The blog was invented in 1997

2008-08-11T16:13:00.000-07:00

...but in 2008, Office 2004 still doesn't know about them. This should be embarrassing for Microsoft.

While the iPhone will autocorrect everything from Imac to Ebay (iMac to eBay), Microsoft still doesn't know what a weblog or podcast is, to say nothing of the finer points of eCommerce capitalization. I can't speak for Office 2008, but that's what updates are for. I mean, sEriously.

I dreamt of Beck and Boris Karloff

2008-08-03T19:07:00.000-07:00

A series of ongoing celebrity encounters that happen, literally, in my dreams. This dream is from about summer 2004.

I was hanging out with Beck and his band on a park bench on my lawn, discussing Beck's early work. In the course of the conversation, someone called out from my Victorian manor: “Boris Karloff for you, sir.” I pardoned myself from Beck to take Karloff on the telephone.

Inside, I picked up the phone and politely greeted Boris. He said hello in a Russian accent. He explained in broken English that he was trying to record a radio broadcast to a compact disc. I thought it was cute the way he was trying to catch up with technology. In my patient Mac Genius tone, I explained that he could record it with a tape cassette if he wanted to, but not with a CD.

FIN

Leave Steve Jobs Alone! (UPDATE)

2008-08-01T11:51:00.000-07:00

Here's a piece I co-wrote with my buddy Kris — it took commenters over at Dan Lyon's blog (the erstwhile Fake Steve Jobs) about half a day to get around to pointing out that it's knocking off Chris Crocker, which still gives me the heebie-jeebies to watch. The blog-o-zone is getting so much mileage out of the last three paragraphs of Joe Nocera's article in the NY Times, we thought we'd pile on too. Surprise and delight!

Cheers to Mario, who wanted a "Leave Jerry Yang Alone!" video, but had to settle for Jobs.

UPDATE: With the video at 4,500 views, somebody made the investment to jump-start steveisfine.com. So that's an Internet startup drafting off a YouTube mini-meme riding the coattails of a NY Times buzzquote that leeched off health speculations about the Apple CEO. Now if some sites poach misspellings like steveifsine.com and steveisfnie.com, we'll have a complete scale model of Web economics.

UPDATE: And Valleywag has posted on it.

UPDATE: And Gizmodo.

IBM needs help branding Pensieve

2008-07-31T13:17:00.000-07:00

So IBM has announced a new "technology" to scan business cards. It sounds like a novel idea, scanning something for digital reference. But take a look at their video:

Techcrunch says it reminds them of the early '90s, but I don't think that's going far enough. Compare the Pensieve video to this one, c. 1978, for RCA Selectavision:

They may have been forged by the same hand. Or perhaps it's actually the same vocal talent, 30 years later. Oddly enough, the Selectavision video is so much more compelling. The Pensieve video (and perhaps, the whole project) rings like a desperate cry for youth sensibilities at IBM. Speaking of 20,000 Leagues Under Sea...

Get a free college education at iTunes U?

2008-07-30T15:07:00.000-07:00

Moments ago I just received an email from iTunes, which like most, I was about to delete as typical bacn. But I hesitated just long enough to let the news they were sharing pique my interest:

After going to the iTunes U store, I saw immediately the incredible utility that they were offering: a wealth of multimedia content that could essentially supplant a paid college education. Given, not all topics are covered, and not all covered topics will be in-depth, but the wealth of knowledge there is considerable. And most amazing, it's all free.

I went looking for fine arts, thinking I'd fill in the gaps of my art history knowledge, but the first thing I saw was Steve Martin above "Funny People / 92nd Street Y". Clicking through brought me to three one-hour segments featuring Martin, George Carlin and Carl Reiner talking about their crafts. For a first impression, wow.

The only drawback I can see is becoming overwhelmed by the scope of options to feed your head. In fact, it's kind of like standing in the New York library without knowing a good book. This might be viewed as the kind of public service that the FCC used to require of television for renting our airwaves. This is truly an important moment in digital distribution: the first real global library of digital content. Thanks Apple. You had me at "Get".

Just the phats ma'am...

2008-07-28T22:10:00.000-07:00

Get your regular dosage of all things Frozen:

I dreamt of Neil Young and Bob Dylan

2008-07-26T13:41:00.000-07:00

A series of ongoing celebrity encounters that occur, literally, in my dreams.

Last night I dreamed that I was in some summer camp hall and Neil Young was performing for a small gathering of people. I was on next, but I didn't have my guitar. I'd be playing on a piano, which I rarely practice and have scarcely performed on. When it came time to play, I went to check out the piano, a small baby grand with no top. I sat down and noticed the keys were not ivory, but spines of old books lined all up and down the keyboard. When I formed a chord with my fingers and pressed on the corresponding books, the piano would sound. Of course there were no white or black keys to tell notes by, just a bunch of book spines.

I improvised a little rag while my mind raced for songs I knew on piano. The books actually played okay. Bob Dylan was on next, so I thought I'd play a take on "Like A Rolling Stone," which has simple enough chords. At the other end of the room there was a perfectly normal piano, so I asked if we could switch the keys from the good piano for the books - the thought didn't occur to me that I could just play the good piano. The keys couldn't be switched. By now it was getting awkward with the audience.

We found an old Wurlitzer electric piano that had normal keys, and I settled on playing a piano interpretation of Metric's "Combat Baby." But one leg of the Wurlitzer was wonky so it kept falling over backwards.

FIN

Jonathan Toth from Hoth's Blueberry Hill Birthday Bash

2008-07-22T00:01:00.000-07:00

For all the party peoples in St. Louis, go celebrate my brother's eternal youth...

Breaking SAG news from LinkedIn Company Profiles

2008-07-16T16:45:00.000-07:00

lol

I do not recommend downgrading from an iPhone

2008-07-16T08:17:00.000-07:00

The most awful of circumstances led to me downgrading from an iPhone: I lost mine on a flight from Brussels to Cannes in May, and they would not let me back on the flight to look for it. This was followed by the most awful of announcements by Apple: the 3G iPhone would not be available until July. This resulted in the most awful of necessities: I had to use a Motorola Razr for one month. Aside from the functional retardation this induced, it also enabled AT&T to screw me on the upgrade pricing for the new iPhone.

For quick reference, here's what my old Razr looked like at the end of its productive life, about a year ago:

Admittedly, the shape it was in was purely my fault. I take pride in taking good care of my electronics, but I beat the Razr senseless out of frustration with its pathetic Verizon software, molasses-slow response, and DRM'ed restrictions. Then I tore it apart looking for the SIM card. There was no SIM card, and you had to subscribe to a paid service to transfer your data to a new phone. Want to use your own USB cable? You can't — the cable is "not approved" and you have to buy one from Verizon. Want to change the boot screen so you don't have to watch an ad for Verizon's Vcast service everytime you turn on your phone? You can't. Want to turn off the annoying low battery sound that beeps every two minutes if you need a charge? You can't — even if you set the phone to silent mode. Want to remove the cheesy default desktops and trashy gifs to save space on your phone? You can't. You can't, you can't, you can't. That's Verizon's idea of a customer's rights to the products they buy.

Having downgraded back to the Razr for a month, I must say: old phones seem positively Cro-Magnon after the iPhone. I was excited when I got a Razr in early 2005. I forgave its fumbly design flaws at first, liking the slim and sleek ideal, but eventually grew to hate fighting against it to accomplish basic tasks. Having now used the iPhone, where basic tasks are simple, complex tasks (like three-way calling and looking up a contact during a call) are logical and intuitive, and extended functionality like Google Maps and websurfing are just a touch away, downgrading to any other device is like regressing to Windows 1.0. It literally feels decades behind, where the simplest task like changing a ringtone, entering contact info or sending a text is a fight against a maze of menus and unlabeled buttons.

In downgrading to the dark ages, the unkindest cut of all came when I tried to return to 2008: AT&T refused to give me the upgrade pricing to my 3G iPhone. This pricing is guaranteed for anyone who bought the first iPhone, $199 for the 8GB and $299 for the 16GB. But because I had to use a loaner for a month, they said there was no iPhone on the account, and thus I had to pay $499 for the 3G. As the guy at the Apple Store said, "AT&T is screwing you." I spent about half an hour on the phone with support, looking for the intelligent person to make the exception. But they blamed "our contract with Apple." Apple, contrarily, said, we can't make any alterations to the price because AT&T controls all pricing.

This is a fight I plan to take to customer service ferociously until I get a rebate. That's right, I bought the 16GB at the inflated price, because I can't go on using a cell in the time of cholera. But for AT&T to penalize me $200 for losing my phone illustrates their basic inclination to screw the loyal customer.

Stealth Burger Reviews, International Edition: Scanburger

2008-07-16T06:26:00.000-07:00

It's always a pleasure to sample international fare, particularly when it aspires to the complex chemistry of American fast food. Recently Stealth Burger Reviews reveled in Scandinavia's answer to the cultural hegemony of American hamburger chains: Scanburger.

It certainly was Scan-tastic to find a fast food drive-thru on Finland's scenic byways, though we stumbled on it quite by accident when pulling over for a rest stop. By the looks of the parking lot, the Scanburger phenomenon has yet to catch on over there. That's our Land Rover, and we were indeed the only party partaking of the Scan. I told myself it must've been packed at lunchtime.

The Scanburger menu is a delightful ramble of cultural variations on standard hamburgery. Some highlights include the Ruisburger (hamburger on dark rye), Kebabburger (kebab meat fashioned into a hamburger), and the Kasvisburger (a large onion-ring in place of meat). In addition, it seems Finns like eggs on their burgers, though we didn't venture to try any. Consider the Kerrosburger (kerros meaning floor or story, layer), which appears to be a Big Mac with eggs:

We ordered the American Classic burger, but oddly enough, they were sold out. Apparently they really are crazy for American culture over there. We settled on the XXL-ateria (ateria meaning meal), since Americans need everything bigger. What we got was a Big Mac, but in the dimensions of a Whopper. It was huge — as the sign notes, "2x90g patties". And the fries come in an excellent cubical box, meaning more room for more fries.

While the patties were clearly pre-fab and frozen, the pickles were thicker than American fast food, the lettuce was fresh and the flavors were good. The main challenge was managing the delicate principle of patty alignment, by which one patty of a Big Mac is pushed further and further out the back with each bite if not aligned perfectly with the other. By the end of the XXL, the top patty was totally gone with a few bites of the bottom patty left. But other than that, the Scanateria was money. Perhaps it tasted better because we'd eaten liverwurst and Karelian pasties all weekend, but I'd venture to say Scanburger could hold it's own against the big American chains. For a regional variation on the mass culture of fast food, Scanburger might even be considered an improvement.

Are you paranoid about a SAG strike?

2008-07-02T09:37:00.000-07:00

There are people who can help.

Check out this informative guide we've put together over at LinkedIn, and download your own copy here.

Apparently I misbehaved on Facebook...

2008-06-20T14:19:00.000-07:00

...because I got this message today:

So something I did violated their terms of use. I'd love to know what it was, because I'm generally not hateful or threatening, nor have I attacked an individual or group. And I certainly don't spam my friends or post obscene content on Facebook. Everybody knows that's what MySpace is for. When I went looking for some explanation, I learned this from Facebook's Warning FAQ:

Can I see the removed content?
Unfortunately, for technical and security reasons, users cannot view the removed content ... Please go through your profile and make sure to take down any other offensive or objectionable material that violates our Terms of Use.

Hmmm. So I can't know what I did, but I have to know that it was wrong, and I need to check the "I acknowledge that I have read this information" box to prove my repentance. I wish I knew what I was repenting of. Another FAQ told me this:

Wall/Discussion Board Posts that are not permitted include:
Posts that advertise a product, service, website, or commercial event

Just this bullet marks a huge demarcation between the Facebook and the MySpaces, as the latter's free use of HTML in comment fields was one of the primary things that a) drove adoption, and b) turned it into spamtown. Clearly there's a balance between the two—I have no idea what I did to trigger a report from Facebook, and I should at least be pointed to some sort of indicator as to what was inappropriate. If I post a link to a Daily Show clip, is that advertising a product, or sharing content in the way social media championed? Even if I post links to my own blog, video feed or Flickr stream, it's sharing content, though I rarely do this on Facebook. The more I think about it, the more I'm baffled at what I could've done. I half expect them to follow up with an apology that says this message went out to everyone.

That said, I kind of enjoy having sinned against Facebook. On MySpace, the sins are scarlett, like a semi-porn profile pic against glitter gif wallpaper. But on Facebook, the sins are white as snow, amorphous, mysterious. It makes me wonder how bad I really was...

I dreamt of Chico Marx and Dave Chappelle

2008-06-14T18:51:00.000-07:00

In a new series here robgetzschman.com, I'll catalog an ongoing series of celebrity encounters that occur, literally, in my dreams.

Last night I dreamed that I was explaining the racial humor of Dave Chappelle to Chico Marx. Chico said, "I no like-a the 'n' word." I tried to put it in perspective for Chico, telling him about Chappelle's show and career as a black comedian in a white world.

But then Chico turned into Chappelle, and we were just hanging out at a club.

FIN

My Cannes coverage has become the summer fashion

2008-06-12T22:27:00.000-07:00

Due to a favorable review in the LA Times, my video coverage on the Cannes lifestyle has garnered the attention of 937 people everywhere! At least, that's the YouTube count after a day. The video, which premiered at LinkedIn headquarters in Mountain View yesterday, was seen by Times blogger Jessica Guynn, who had this to say:

"We think Jon Stewart should give this guy a Palme d’Or. Getzschman is a natural Rob Riggle."

We here at robgetzschman.com laud Jessica's eye for talent and good taste. Clearly she's got a sixth sense about these things. We'll be keeping an eye on her work. See the video below, followed by links to the review and my original post on LinkedIn's company blog.

Link to LA Times tech blog / Link to original post on the LinkedIn company blog.

UPDATE: ValleyWag hails the video as "cheesy", showing that they comprehend the underlying premise of humor. Kudos! And also that Yahoo could take a lesson from LinkedIn's marketing.

UPDATE: Since YouTube doesn't rep the hi-res, download an mp4 of the video:

320x240 (10.3 MB) or 480x360 (48.9 MB)

Special thanks to Rose Chamberlain for her camerawork and Marcio with Telemetrik for use of the song "Nova"!

I saw Bono stalk Woody Allen at Cannes

2008-06-12T00:42:00.001-07:00

I've been an avid conference goer over the last few months, as my job has me going to many of them representin' and whatnot. So I've become very familiar with the post-panel stalk. Conferencegoers want to talk to the famous guy on the panel, they move to the front of the stage, they wait patiently for the appropriate moment to corner them and move in for the kill. I've seen it done to LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman, to Toto's David Paitch, to Bob Lefsetz. I know the stalk well, though I generally eschew it. I did it to Steve "guitar" Miller in April, just to tell him I was amazed how fresh he kept his catalog, and that he was a good sport hanging around to be stalked. He said he lives out in the country, so it's nice to see people.

Another guy did it to me, feeling me out to see if I was famous. When he realized I wasn't, he asked me to take a photo of him with Natasha Beddingfield.

But in Cannes, I saw something remarkable: I saw Bono stalk Woody Allen.

Bono is about as big as you can get. If Bono can get a lunch with Africa, I'm pretty sure he can get Woody Allen on the phone. But in Cannes, I saw Bono stalk Woody Allen after the screening of Vicki Christina Barcelona like a hopeful sales rep dogging Steve Ballmer. In fact, I got a photo of it:

There, see him? That's Rebecca Hall in front of Woody, and behind them both is Bono. Let's look closer.

See Woody to the left of Rebecca? And Bono behind, clapping his rhythm-gifted rock star hands to mask the post-panel stalk. I was there. I saw it. See Fig. 1:

Bono is the leader of the free world. Why is he stalking Woody Allen? Woody is an auteur, and certainly celebrated in France, but can't Bono just have his people call Woody's people? Does Bono need to bust the Cannes post-premiere screening stalk on Woody?

He moves in mysterious ways. With mysterious orange safety glasses.

They say it's in the eyes. Bono's fathomless eyes, that have beheld other worlds than these. They seem to be saying, "If I can get between him and Rebecca Hall..."

There are some things mere men may never know. But Bono knows.

Bono Knows.

Woody Allen / Muppets mashup is right on the money

2008-05-27T08:03:00.000-07:00

The mashup culture is a beautiful thing when it nails it like this. With the present state of hype, I expected it to be Sex In The City mashed up with the Muppets, but what a relief to hear classic lines from Woody Allen's Manhattan.

And speaking of Woody, stay tuned for some first-person reporting from Cannes last week...

Via Gawker.

CNN takes on Busted Tees, Onion with headline t-shirts

2008-05-07T14:41:00.000-07:00

In an unexpected development, infotainment monolith CNN has moved into t-shirt sales. I can only guess the kitsch apparel market, dominated by snark purveyor BustedTees, was unprepared for the bold move by the media outlet. News agencies have typically sought to monetize their information assets through publication and broadcast, not through a wearable medium popular with hipsters, homeless and bumper-sticker activists.

CNN readers are now able to click a t-shirt icon next to selected headlines, enabling them to purchase a t-shirt featuring the headline for $19.99 with the tag, "*I just saw it on CNN.com". It's like buying a transcript, only you wear it on your chest.

Selected headlines apparently cater to the coveted 18-35 demographic, focusing on soft news such as, "Another 'Idol' forgets they lyrics", or, "Suspect leads cops on golf cart chase". Other, newsy headlines like "D.C. sniper: 'Murder this innocent black man'" have not been included for apparelization. Hmmm, curious. I can't help but think what a conversation starter "Young mom dies; wedding rings vanish" would be if I wore it everywhere.

By grabbing only the featury headlines, CNN seems to be aligning their brand more with, say, The Onion than with the NY Times, the CS Monitor, or other serious news resources. Ironically, The Onion's tees don't feature headlines, but trade on the same brand of snark as BustedTees. CNN's tees really just signify which of their actual headlines are fluff. They won't be turning real news into kitsch memes, because I can't help but think somebody would object to me wearing a t-shirt about their kid: "Boy, hit by Prius, says he couldn't hear it".

...though it sounds more like an Onion headline to me. I don't foresee great success for CNN's t-shirt venture. The audience they're targeting likes crappy, ironic t-shirts because they seem more authentic than the canned culture we get from the mass media. They recall untainted youth with bad puns and schoolbook illustrations, and that's what we're going for. The off-kilter news that CNN is pitching as t-shirt fodder misses the mark because it's real. It's news of the weird, not fashion of the disillusioned. The corporate design job underscores this — they look more like something a CNN employee would wear tucked into jeans on biz-cas-Fri than anything you'd see in Williamsburg.

In summary, let's do a quick visual comparison. Which would you brand yourself with?

Fashion aside, they pretty much say the same thing.

MUSEXPO: "United Nations of Music and Media" begins today

2008-04-25T14:58:00.000-07:00

MUSEXPO, the United Nations of Music and Media, kicks off today in Hollywood. This conference is more international in scope than any of the other music conferences, with a specific focus on building music relationships globally. Once again, if you answer my question posted on LinkedIn, you can be seen in Hollywood — the best questions posted for music industry author Bob Lefsetz will be included in his interview Wednesday afternoon.

Ask Bob Lefsetz a question on LinkedIn and be featured at MUSEXPO 2008.

Beyond the Lefsetz interview, there are tons of excellent panels and great bands playing each night, as well as the chance to network with hundreds of music industry professionals worldwide. Read up on the list of panelists below at MUSEXPO's website, or click on the names below to see their LinkedIn profiles.

Jens-Markus Wegener
AMV Talpa G.m.b.H.

Rob McDermott
President, Collective Music Group

Justin Shukat
Founder/General Manager, Primary Wave Music Publishing

Chris Dorne
VP/Director of Production, connectivetissue, MediaVest USA

Frank Takeshita
Executive GM, Creativeman Productions

Robert N. Peirce
British Consul General, Los Angeles

Rachna Bahsin
VP Business Development, Dell-ZING

Jason Sausto
President, Onkyo China

David Pakman
President/CEO, eMusic

Oum Pradutt
Managing Director, Phase 1 Events & Entertainment Pvt. Ltd.

Nathalie Schwarz
New Business and Corporate Development Director, Channel 4 (UK)

Ian Rodgers
VP Video & Media Applications, Yahoo!

Jimmy Steal
VP Programming, Emmis Radio Properties

Kenny Gates
Co-Founder/Co-President, [PIAS] Entertainment Group

Simon Renshaw
President/CEO, Strategic Artist Management

Martin Kierszenbaum
Sr. VP A&R/Head of International, Interscop Geffen A&M
President, Cherrytree Records

Dan Diamond
VP, NCM Fathom

Lindsay Fellows
Sr. VP/Executive in Charge of Music, Walden Media and Bristol Bay Productions

Jimi Wang
General Manager, Rongxi Entertainment Media Compnany Ltd.

Carter Armstrong
VP of Music, Warner Brothers Pictures

Savio D'Souza
Secretary General, Indian Music Industry

Gary Arnold
Sr. VP Entertainment, Best Buy

Harvey Goldsmith
Founder, Harvey Goldsmith Presents

Mark Strippel
Head of Music, BBC Asian Network

Ralph Peer, II
Chairman/CEO, peermusic

Nick Gatfield
President, Island Records Group

Marianne Goode
VP Music, Lifetime Television/Lifetime Entertainment Services

Andrew Phillips
Media Consultant

Steven Stewart
Senior Manager, Nokia Music

Ron Broitman
Sr. VP Film, Advertising & Music, Sony/ATV Music Publishing

Geoff Boucher
Feature Writer, Los Angeles Times

Atul Churamani
VP A&R, Publishing & New Media, Saregama India Ltd.

John Anderson
Hunnypot Unlimited

Andy Gould
Manager/Producer

Gary Chen
Co-Chairman/CEO, Orca Digital Inc. (www.top100.cn)

Kenny MacPherson
President/Senior Executive, Chrysalis Music North America

Seymour Stein
Chairman, Sire Records Group

John Watson
President, John Watson Management and President, Elven: a music company

John Alexander
Sr. VP Creative Affairs/Membership US, ASCAP

David Vodicka
Managing Director, Rubber Records and Rubber Music Publishing

Jackie Subeck
President, Entertainment Group - CRC Jianian

Mike Tunnicliffe
Founder/President, Tuna Music LLC

Michael Chugg
Founder, Chugg Entertainment

Sean Moriarty
President and CEO, Ticketmaster

Nick Robinson
Senior Executive Writer/Publisher Relations Europe, BMI

Ande MacPherson
Programme Director, Xfm Network

Mike Walsh
Head of Music, Xfm Network

Chris Price
Director of Music Programming, MTV Networks UK & Ireland

Jim O'Mahony
CEO Latin America, Australasia, Asia Pacific & CRIB, Saatchi & Saatchi

Doc McGhee
Founder, McGhee Entertainment (Worldwide Manager of KISS)

Naoki Shimizu
CEO/President, Creative Man Productions

Tim Prescott
CEO, Albert Music

Jay Faires
President of Music & Publishing, Lionsgate Entertainment

Peter Shukat
Managing Partner, Shukat Arrow Hafer Weber & Herbsman, LLP

Folkert Koopmans
Managing Director, FKP Scorpio Konzertproduktionen GmbH

Emmanuel LeGrand
Editor, Impact Magazine

Paul Wright
Sr. VP Strategic Alliances & Marketing, Mediaguide Inc.

Erica Farber
Publisher, Radio & Records

Keith Welsh
Co-Publisher, The Music Network; Managing Director, Rough Cut Music Publishing

Robert Reynolds
Worldwide Manager, The Killers

Peter Asher
Partner, Strategic Artist Management

Kathleen Carey
Sr. VP International, Sony/ATV Music Publishing

Tess Taylor
Founder/President, National Association of Recording Industry Professionals (NARIP)

Dain Blair
CEO, Groove Addicts

Alicen Catron Schneider
VP Music Supervision, NBC Universal Television Music

Jason Magnus
President, Rock for China/Beijing Pop Festival

Chris Barton
Strategic Partnership Development Manager, Google

Kevin Lyman
Founder, Vans Warped Tour and 4Pini Inc.

Terry McBride
CEO, Nettwerk Music Group

Ron Stone
Co-Founder/President, Gold Mountain Entertainment

Diane Warren
Songwriter

Ali Partovi
CEO, iLike

Aarti Tandon
Partner, Law Office of Aarti Tandon

Alexandra Patsavas
Founder/Music Supervisor, Chop Shop Music Productions

Bob Lefsetz
Author, "The Lefsetz Letter"

Dalton Caldwell
Founder/CEO, imeem

David Massey
President, Mercury Records

James Patrick Dunne
President, Inspire Entertainment

Max Tolkoff
Program Director, "Indie 103.1" Los Angeles

Nic Harcourt
Music Director, KCRW Los Angeles

Nick Raphael
Managing Director, Epic Records UK

Ritch Esra
Publisher, The Music Registries

Safta Jaffery
Owner/Managing Director, SJP & Taste Music Ltd

Steve Schnur
Worldwide Executive/Music & Audio, Electronic Arts

Ted Cohen
Managing Partner, TAG Strategic

Tommy Nast
Exec VP/Business Development, CenterStaging Musical Productions, Inc.

Nihilist manikin wants out of media prism

2008-04-25T11:18:00.001-07:00

I love the philosophical bent of this short — so simple and beautiful, and somehow I end up caring about this manikin trapped in a media prism. I guess that's pretty broadly applicable if one wants to ponder it. There's a tone of nihilism with the Biblical strife implicit in a character named Jobe, and it's accomplished in the way he moves, the gestures, tearing the paper off the wall. I'd love to see this turned into a real short, drawing on 19th century philosophers. Goethe, Nietzsche, and up to Sartre, with a little Dostoevsky. All channeled through a faceless stick figure.

"But nothing, it seems, when compared with this room, is all that I ever can dream of."

Anecdotal evidence suggests Island overestimated Mariah Carey album sales by 99%

2008-04-24T18:51:00.001-07:00

Feedback on Bob Lefsetz's "Mariah Madness" column suggests that Island Records overestimated sales of E=MC^2 by 99%:

"I was talking to one FYE store manager (friend of mine) and he was complaining that they were shipped 300 copies of the album for his store and that he would be surprised if they sold 5. I just called him and they sold 3 for the week."

Not to infer too much from one stray anecdote, but since 3 is 1% of 300, I guess they overestimated her sales by 99%. This would suggest that the 463,000 copies she did sell were a great disappointment from the 45,837,000 forecast by Island (anecdotally).

Now clearly, Island didn't mean for FYE to sell 300 in the first week; maybe 300 was just to have plenty in inventory. No one can sell 46 million copies in the first week, right? Unless they're big in China. Like, really big.

I don't know, how big is Mariah Carey in China?

Custom RV mods in Venice, California

2008-04-14T22:45:00.001-07:00

Every once in awhile, I find myself with a hankering to go out on the open road. And every time, I find myself not owning a Winnebago. So when the two of those coincide, I usually just take whatever old automobile I have and custom mod a RV trailer right onto the back. Like these guys did. Both of these are from Venice, California, where an RV lifestyle prevails on the streets and beaches.

Points to the Winnebuggo for putting aluminum siding on a Volkswagon. It's like a beautiful Frankenstein trailer staggering out of the '70s. Note the one eyelid on the headlights, giving the impression that this guy's winking whenever he drives by. Or, drunk.

The bike RV has the marks of a master craftsman on it. Very tight detailing, from the construction right down to the flames and "It's HELL without JESUS" emblazoned on the back. Near the front door it reads, "Hand made by David Castillo" (click on the photo for detail). Extra points for the exposed engine — oh, and for turning a motorcycle into a full-blown RV.

I'm trying to make up my mind what I should turn into an RV next. I'm thinking maybe a snowmobile, or my skateboard. Really, it's just a matter of how big you can think. Maybe some rollerblades? Hopefully this will be an ongoing series.

Blogged with the Flock Browser

ASCAP "I Create Music" Expo starts tomorrow

2008-04-09T13:23:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow in Hollywood the ASCAP "I Create Music" Expo kicks off with three days of songwritery panels and lots of talk on music-making, music-producing, and music-selling. With plenty of tech footnotes. I'll be in attendance, along with the long list of music peeps below. Tonight at the ASCAP Pop awards, it's Lionel Richie and Steve Miller. If you've ever wondered about the secret world of mass market music, you're looking at something like the engine room gathered here in LA this weekend...

To read more complete bios on these panelists, go to ASCAP's website, or click on the names below to see their LinkedIn profiles.

Brad Aarons
GM and VP, Creative - Liberal Arts

Ken Abdo, Esq.
VP - Lommen Abdo Law Firm

Michael A. Aczon, Esq.
Lawyer, Author - The Musician's Legal Companion

Walt Aldridge
Songwriter, Producer - "No Getting Over Me," "Holding Her and Loving You," "I Loved Her First"

Algebra
Songwriter, Performer - "At This Time," "What Happened," "U Do It 4 Me," "Talk To Her"

AM
Songwriter, Composer - Troubled Times, Soul Variations Film: Man Maid

Deva Anderson
Head of Music Division - The Play-Tone Company; Film: That Thing You Do TV: Big Love
Owner - Deva Anderson Music Supervision; Film: Beloved TV: What Happens In Vegas

John Anderson
CEO, Creative Services/Lifestyle - Hunnypot Unlimited

Phil Antoniades
COO and Co-Founder - Nimbit Inc.

Patrick Arn
Founder & President - Gotham Records

Norman Arnold
Creative Director, Music - Telepictures Productions
Composer - Film: The War Tapes TV: Ellen DeGeneres, Tyra Banks

Billy Austin
Publisher - Platinum Pen Publishing
Songwriter - "Leave The Pieces," "99.9% Sure (I've Never Been Here Before)" "Put Your Best Dress On"

Johnta Austin
Songwriter - "Shake It Off," "We Belong Together," "Be Without You," "Poppin'"

Glen Ballard
Songwriter, Producer - Jagged Little Pill, "Man in the Mirror" Film: "Ordinary Miracle" (from Charlotte's Web), "Believe" (from Polar Express)

Louie Bandak
VP, A&R - Capitol Music Group

Paris Barclay
Director, Producer - NYPD Blue, In Treatment, The West Wing, Cold Case

Dave Bassett
Songwriter, Producer, Artist - "Shinedown," "Best Days," "Sparta," "Machine"

David Basskin
President and CEO - Canadian Musical Reproduction Rights Agency Ltd. (CMRRA)

Eric Beall
Director, A&R - Shapiro Bernstein & Co., Inc.

Michelle Belcher
GM, West Coast - Primary Wave Music Publishing

Richard Bellis
Composer - One Special Night, Stephen King's IT, Above and Beyond
Author - The Emerging Film Composer

Danny Benair
Owner - Natural Energy Lab

Monica Benson
President - BOK Music

Lonny Bereal
Songwriter, Singer - "Please Don't Go," "Wanna Be," "Flashback"

Alan Bergman & Marilyn Bergman
Academy & Grammy Award winning lyricists - "The Windmills of Your Mind," "The Way We Were," "You Don't Bring Me Flowers," Film: Yentl

Jeff Biederman, Esq.
Partner, Entertainment Lawyer - Manatt, Phelps & Phillips, LLP.

Michael Boddicker
Composer, Producer - Barry Manilow, Michael Jackson, Celine Dion, Chicago

Jon Bon Jovi & Richie Sambora
Songwriter, Artists - "You Give Love a Bad Name," "Livin' on a Prayer," "Wanted Dead or Alive," "Who Says You Can't Go Home"

Jeff Brabec
VP, Business Affairs - Chrysalis Music Group
Author - Music, Money and Success: The Insider's Guide to Making Money in the Music Business

Mike Bradford
Producer, Songwriter, Engineer - Rhythm of Love, The History of Rock, "Follow Me"

Jonatha Brooke
Songwriter, Performer - "Linger," "Because I Told You So," "So Much Mine" Film: "I'll Try," (from Return to Neverland)

Darius Brooks
Songwriter, Gospel Singer - "Your Will," "My Mind's Made Up," "For the Good of Them," "Safe In His Arms"

Bruce Broughton
Composer - Concerto for Piccolo and Chamber Orchestra Film: Silverado, Tombstone TV: JAG, Tiny Toons

Jackson Browne
Songwriter, Artist - "Running on Empty," "Doctor My Eyes," "The Pretender," "Take it Easy"

Bun B
Songwriter, Performer - "Get Throwed," "Sister," "Gimme That," "Big Pimpin"

busbee
Songwriter - "What Am I Doing Here," "Better Now" Film Songs: "Let It Out," "Promise Ring"

Gary Calamar
Music Supervisor, Go Music Services - Dexter, Weeds, Entourage
Host - KCRW's The Open Road

Beka Callaway Tischker
Sr. Director A&R - Razor & Tie Entertainment

Don Cannon
DJ, Producer - "Go Crazy"

Rick Carnes
President - Songwriters Guild of America
Songwriter - "I Can't Even Get The Blues No More," "Long Neck Bottle"

Mary Chapin Carpenter
Songwriter, Performer - "Shut Up And Kiss Me," "He Thinks He'll Keep Her," "I Feel Lucky," Stones In The Road

Donna Caseine
VP, Creative Services/West Coast Director, A&R - Universal Music Publishing Group

Ryan Chahanovich
Director, Talent Relations - eSession

Chamillionaire
Songwriter, Performer - The Ultimate Victory, "Ridin'," "Turn It Up"

Desmond Child
Songwriter, Producer - "Dude (Looks Like a Lady)," "Invisible," "Livin' La Vida Loca"

Gary Churgin
President, CEO - The Harry Fox Agency, Inc.

Timothy "Attitude" Clayton
Songwriter - "Promiscuous," "Afraid," "Give It To Me"

Shawn Clement
CEO - Clemistry Music, Inc.
Composer - TV: World's Wildest Police Chases, Buffy The Vampire Slayer Film: Last Chance Games: Open Season

Barry Coburn
Co-President - Ten Ten Music Group, Inc.

Ted Cohen
Managing Partner - TAG Strategic

Matthew "Cornbread" Compton
Songwriter, Artist - Bands: Cursive, Glos, Engine Down

Tamara Conniff
Group Editorial Director - Billboard

Jay L. Cooper, Esq.
Attorney - Greenberg Traurig

Julio Reyes Copello
Producer, Pianist, Composer - "Que Hiciste," "Ahora Quién," "Toma de Mi," "Y Todo Queda en Nada"

Ralph Covert
Songwriter, Composer, Singer, Producer - "Not Dead Yet," "Just Like The Monkeys," "With A Friend (The Pooh Song)," "Promises In The Dark"

Wende Crowley
Senior Director, Film & TV Music / Music Supervisor - Sony/ATV Music Publishing

Anthony Davis
Composer - Opera: X: The Life and Times of Malcolm X, Tania, Amistad

Christian Davis
Producer - DJ Jazzy Jeff, D'Angelo, Robin Thicke

John Debney
Composer – Film: Passion of the Christ, Sin City, Chicken Little

Kurt Denny
VP, Creative - Still Working Music

Jackie DeShannon
Songwriter, Artist - "Put A Little Love In Your Heart," "Bette Davis Eyes," "When You Walk In The Room," "He's The Great Imposter"

Dirty Harry
Songwriter, Producer, DJ - "No One," As I Am

DJ BattleCat
Songwriter, Producer, Performer - "LAX," "We Can Freak It," "Baby Boy," "Domino"

Vikter Duplaix
Songwriter, Artist, Producer - "Make A Baby," "Sensuality," "What We Want"

Michael Eames
President - PEN Music Group, Inc.

Roy Elkins
Founder & CEO - Broadjam, Inc.

Jeremy Fabinyi
Managing Director, Mechanicals - MCPS-PRS Alliance

Gina Fant-Saez
CEO - eSession; Author - Pro Tools for Musicians and Songwriters
Songwriter, Artist, Engineer, Studio Owner

Patrick Faucher
CEO and Co-Founder - Nimbit, Inc.

Michelle Featherstone
Songwriter, Singer - TV: "We Are Man and Wife" Film: "Bully"

Rory Feek
President - Giantslayer Records
Songwriter - "Some Beach," "Chain of Love"

Nicholas C. Ferrara, Esq.
Attorney, Partner - Serling, Rooks & Ferrara LLP

Marc Ferrari
President - Mastersource Music Catalog, Inc.

Focus
Producer, Songwriter - "Where I'm From," "Yes," "U Already Know," "Dear Ben"

Jonathan Fuller
Producer, Composer, Artist - Black Iris Music

Toby Gad
Songwriter, Composer, Producer - "Big Girls Don't Cry," "Freckles," "Rockstar," "One In A Million"

Phil Gallo
Associate Editor - Variety and Daily Variety

Pete Ganbarg
President - Pure Tone Music

Joshua Glazer
Editor, Content Director - URB Magazine/URB.com

Justin Goldberg
Founder & CEO - indie911
Manager - Grace Potter & The Nocturnals

Rich Goldman
President - RipTide Music

Billy Gottlieb
Music Supervisor - Bones, Alias, The Nine

Lukasz "Dr. Luke" Gottwald
Songwriter, Producer - "Girlfriend," "Since U Been Gone," "Behind These Hazel Eyes," "Keep Holding On"

Roger Greenaway
ASCAP; Songwriter - "Long Cool Woman (In a Black Dress)," "I'd Like To Teach the World To Sing," "You've Got Your Troubles," "Here Comes That Rainy Day Feeling Again"

Holly Greene
Music Publisher and Consultant - Counter Content

Gary Gross
Worldwide President - Universal Publishing Production Music

Lynn Grossman
Owner - Secret Road Artist Management & Music Services
Music Supervisor - House

Amaury Gutiérrez
Songwriter, Producer - "Nada Es Para Siempre," "Yo Se Que Es Mentira," "Perdoname Todo," "Dime Corazon"

Gary Haber
Owner - Haber Corporation; Certified Public Accountant

Damita Haddon
Gospel Singer, Songwriter, Producer - "It All Belongs To You" TV: 85 South Gospel Street Show

Carvin Haggins & Ivan Barias of Karma Productions
Songwriters, Producers - "Teach Me," "B.U.D.D.Y.," "Customer," Who Is Jill Scott?

Omara S. Harris, Esq.
Attorney - The Law Office of Omara S. Harris, Esq., LLC

Ned Hearn, Esq.
Attorney

Marcy Heisler
Lyricist - Even After, Pooh's Learning Adventures

Bernie Herms
Producer, Songwriter - "Praise You In This Storm," Awaken

Keri Hilson
Songwriter, Performer - "The Way I Are," "Take Me As I Am," "Gimmie More," "Break the Ice"

Mike Himelstein
Songwriter, Composer, Producer - Film: Shrek, "Take My Hand" (102 Dalmatians) TV: Mickey Mouse Clubhouse, Sid The Science Kid

Daron Hollowell
Co-Founder, Executive Producer - Black Iris Music

Bill Holman
Composer, Arranger, Saxophonist - Unforgettable, "A View From The Side"

Wayland Holyfield
Songwriter - "Could I Have This Dance," "You're My Best Friend"

Jamie Houston
Songwriter, Producer - "Just Feel Better" Film: High School Musical, What a Girl Wants, Hanna Montana

Terry Howard
Producer, Engineer - Ray Charles, Barbara Streisand, Fleetwood Mac, Etta James

Mark Hudson
Songwriter, Producer - "Livin' on the Edge," "Chico Time," Ringo Rama, Vertical Man

Billy Hume
Producer, Songwriter, Mixer - "Party Like a Rockstar," "Rock On," "Throw Some D's"

Bob Hunka
Consultant - HunkArts / SOCAN

Ed Hunt
SVP, Publisher Services & Distributions - The Harry Fox Agency, Inc.

J. Reid Hunter, Esq.
Attorney, Partner - Serling, Rooks & Ferrara LLP

Michael Huppe
General Counsel - SoundExchange

JES
Singer, Songwriter, Producer - "Everything, " "As The Rush Comes," "Ghost," "Like A Waterfall"

Cri$tyle "The Ink" Johnson
Songwriter - "Touch My Body," "The 1," "Angel," "Google Me"

David H. Johnson
Chairman & CEO - Warner Music Group

Dean Kay
President, CEO - Demi Music Group
Songwriter - "That's Life"

Josh Kear
Songwriter - "Before He Cheats," "Bama Breeze," "Set This Circus Down," "I'll Be The Wind"

James Kendrick
President - Schott Music Corporation/European American Music Corporation

Randall Kennedy
Head of Marketing and Sales - ARTizen Music Group

David Kershenbaum
Founder, A&R - Music Pros-Hollywood
Producer - Tracy Chapman, Joe Jackson, Bryan Adams, Tori Amos

Dan Kimpel
Music Journalist, Author - How They Made It: True Stories of How Music's Biggest Stars Went to Stardom, Networking in the Music Business

John King (Dust Brothers)
Producer, Songwriter - "Hey Ladies," "Where It's At," "Wild Thing" Film: Fight Club

Kent Klavens, Esq.
Attorney

Rob Knox
Producer - Katherine McPhee, Marcus Houston, Chris Brown, Underdog Entertainment

Michael Korie
Lyricist, Librettist - Broadway: Grey Gardens Opera: Harvey Milk, The Grapes of Wrath

Nathaniel Kunkel
Producer, Engineer - John Mayer, Sting, Billy Joel, Maroon 5

Terence "Future" LeMaile-Williams
A&R Manager - Notting Hill Music Publishing

Michelle Lewis
Songwriter - "Different Kind of Love Song," "I Will Be Your Friend," "Nowhere and Everywhere," "Beautiful Life"

Peter Lloyd
Creative Director/A&R - Razor & Tie Music Publishing

Ben London
Songwriter, Composer
Executive Director, Pacific Northwest Chapter - The Recording Academy

John Mackey
Composer - Red Line Tango, Sasparilla, Turbine

Johnny Mandel
Composer, Arranger, Producer - "The Shadow of Your Smile," "Emily" TV Theme: M*A*S*H

Kirsti Manna
Singer, Songwriter, Actor - "Austin," "Loud" TV: Kirsti's Manor

Craig Marks
Music Director, Music Editor - HorseTV
Composer - TV: Iron Chef America

Jodi Marr
Songwriter, Producer - "Grace Kelly," "My Interpretation," Soy

Dennis Matkosky
Songwriter, Performer - "You'll Think of Me," "Maniac," "I Need You," "Heart of Mine"

Michael Mavrolas
Founder - Genuine Representation, Genuine Music Group

Mike McKoy, Esq.
Attorney, Partner - Serling, Rooks & Ferrara LLP

Alan Melina
President - New Heights Entertainment, LLC

Marina Mena
Director, Film & TV - Firstcom Music

Ron Mendelsohn
CEO, Co-Founder - Megatrax Production Music

Mateo Messina
Composer - Film: Juno, Bumper, Thank You For Smoking TV: The Office

Midi Mafia (Bruce Waynne & Dirty Swift)
Producers, Songwriters - "When I See You," "21 Questions," "Hold It, Don't Drop It"

Steve Miller
Songwriter, Performer - "The Joker," "Fly Like an Eagle," "Take the Money and Run," "Rock'n Me"

Bernard Miyet
CEO - SACEM

Chris Mollere
Music Supervisor - Fusion Music Supervision; TV: Kyle XY Film: Memory

Martha Mooke
Electro-Acoustic Violinist, Composer - Circa 5 for String Quartet and Piano, Quantum for electro-acoustic String Quartet, Virtual Corridors, Negatives of an Inhibition

Trevor Morris
Composer - TV: The Tudors, Justice, Moonlight Film: The Hills Have Eyes 2

Sean Mulligan
Director, US Film, TV + Media - ole

Robert Anthony Navarro
Composer, Producer - "One More Town" TV: ESPN's Monday Night Football Theme (2007) Game: Naruto: Rise Of A Ninja

Roger Neill
Composer - Film: King of the Hill, Marie-Antoinette TV: Chicago Hope, The Simple Life

Stacy Neisig
Director, Licensing/Creative - Criterion Music Corp.

Eve Nelson
Composer, Songwriter, Arranger, Producer - Classikhan, TV: Samantha Who, Ugly Betty, General Hospital

Melinda Newman
Journalist

Erika Nuri
Songwriter - "When I See You," "Fatal"

Dennis O'Donnell
Creative Consultant, Film & Television - Primary Wave Music

Frank J. Oteri
Editor - NewMusicBox.org, American Music Center
Composer - Machunas, Fair and Balanced?, Imagined Overtures

Atli Örvarsson
Composer - Film: Vantage Point, Babylon AD, Stuart Little 3

Jake Ottmann
VP, Creative, East Coast - EMI Music Publishing

Martin Page
Songwriter, Producer - "We Built This City," "King of Wishful Thinking," "These Dreams"

David Paich (Toto)
Songwriter, Composer, Producer - "Africa," "Rosanna," "Got to be Real" Film: Dune
President - Hudmar Inc.

Aaron Parry
Executive Producer - Main Street Pictures/ Paramount Pictures

Alexandra Patsavas
Owner, Music Supervisor - Chop Shop Music Supervision
Owner - Chop Shop Records

Stephen Paulus
Composer - Sea Portraits Opera: The Postman Always Rings Twice

Linda Perry
Songwriter, Producer - "Beautiful," "Get the Party Started," "What's Up"

Lewis Pesacov
Composer - Black Iris Music

Pesci (Jeff Gray)
Licensing - MTV
Songwriter/Performer

Marybeth Peters
Register of the U.S. Copyrights

Pamela Phillips Oland
Songwriter - Nobody Loves Me Like You Do," "If Ever A Love There Was," Digga Digga Dog," "Monday Morning Quarterback"

PlayRadioPlay (Dan Hunter)
"Madi Don't Leave," "Decipher Reflections"

Amy Powers
Songwriter - "Shine," "Connected," "Not Just Make Believe"
President - Powers That Be Inc.

Neeta Ragoowansi
Director, Artist-Label Relations - SoundExchange

Patrick Rains
Owner, Manager - Patrick Rains & Associates/PRA Records

Brian Rawlings
President - bluhammock music publishing

Paul Reisler
Founder, Artistic Director - Kid Pan Alley
Songwriter - "Whisper in Spanish," "I Can't Remember What I Forgot," "Rainforest," "Marsyandi"

Tricia Rice
Director, Digital Media - Welk Music Group

Dan Rimas
Manager, Music Services - NBC Universal TV Music

Carmen Rizzo
Producer, Engineer - Seal, Alanis Morissette, Coldplay

Delphine Robertson
Music Executive/Music Supervisor - The Play-Tone Company; Film: Charlie Wilson's War TV: Big Love
Music Coordinator - Deva Anderson Music Supervision; Film: Beloved TV: What Happens In Vegas

Jeff Rona
Composer - Film: Traffic, Black Hawk Down TV: Homicide: Life On The Street

Henry W. Root, Esq.
Attorney - Law Offices Of Henry W. Root, P.C.

Dan Rosenbaum
VP, Creative Services & Marketing - Cherry Lane Music Group

Joe Ross
Partner, President - Cheap Lullabye Records

HeathCliff Rothman
President & Founder - FYI - Film Your Issue
Journalist and Social Entrepreneur

John Rubeli
President - Chop Shop Records

Rivers Rutherford
Songwriter - "Ain't Nothing 'Bout You," "Livin' In Fast Forward," "When I Get Where I'm Going," "Real Good Man"

Brandon Ryan
Cakewalk

John Rzeznik
Songwriter, Performer - "Iris," "Name," "Here is Gone" TV Judge: The Next Great American Band

Charlie J. Sanders, Esq.
Attorney; Outside Counsel - Songwriters Guild of America
Producer, Saxophonist

Chris Saranec
Executive Director, Music Licensing - NBC Universal Studios

Rep. Adam B. Schiff
Congressman (D-CA)

Harriet Schock
Songwriter - "Ain't No Way To Treat A Lady" TV: Jakers! The Adventures of Piggley Winks
Author - Becoming Remarkable: For Songwriters And Those Who Love Songs

Stephen Schwartz
Composer, Lyricist - Broadway: Wicked, Godspell, Pippin

Garry Schyman
Composer - Games: BioShock, Destroy All Humans TV: The A-Team, Magnum P.I.

Darrell Scott
Songwriter, Producer -"Long Time Gone," "Born to Fly," "It's a Great Day to Be Alive," "You'll Never Leave Harlan"

Joseph Serling, Esq.
Attorney, Partner - Serling, Rooks & Ferrara LLP

Alex Shapiro
Composer - Slipping, Bioplasm, Music for Two Big Instruments, At the Abyss

Jeff Silbar
Publisher - Silbarsongs/Intunes Songwriter - "Wind Beneath My Wings," "Hit The Ground Running," "China Girl" TV Theme: My Name Is Earl

Derek Sivers
Founder and President - CD Baby

Owen J. Sloane, Esq.
Attorney; Principal; Chair, Entertainment & Media Group - Berger Kahn, A Law Corporation

Jill Sobule
Songwriter - "I Kissed a Girl," "Jetpack," "Mexican Wrestler"

Joe Solo
Songwriter - "Glad You're Here," "Sweet Baby"
Staff Writer/Producer - Famous Music; Featured Composer - BMG Killer Tracks

Jeff Sosnow
A&R - Interscope Records

Billy Steinberg
Songwriter - "Like A Virgin," "True Colors," "Eternal Flame," "I'll Stand By You"

Jonathan Stone
Consultant - Bug Music

Tom Sturges
Executive Vice President, Head of Creative - Universal Music Publishing

Asa Taccone
Songwriter, Composer, Performer - TV: "Dick in a Box," Saturday Night Live, AwesometownHot Rod

Evan Taubenfeld
Songwriter, Producer, Artist - "Don't Tell Me," "Hot," "Innocence"

Adam Taylor
President - APM Music

Jack Tempchin
Songwriter - "Peaceful Easy Feeling," "Smuggler's Blues"

Allan Tepper
President & Chief Creative Officer - The Bicycle Music Company

Beka Callaway Tischker
Senior Director, A&R - Razor & Tie

Chris Tompkins
Songwriter - "Before He Cheats," "Bama Breeze," "That's How They Do It In Dixie," "Me and Emily"

Barbara Vander Linde
VP, Creative - Disney Music Publishing

Tom Vickers
Music Consultant & Career Coach

Butch Walker
Songwriter, Producer, Artist - "So Much For My Happy Ending," "When You're Gone," "1985"

Chris Wallin
Songwriter - "Don't Blink'," "Something To Be Proud Of," "Love Me If You Can," "Speed"

Greg Watkins
Co-CEO and Co-Founder - AllHipHop.com

Perry Watts-Russell
SVP, A&R - Warner Bros Records

Jimmy Webb
Songwriter - "By the Time I Get to Phoenix," "Galveston," "Wichita Lineman"
Author - Tunesmith: Inside the Art of Songwriting

Jonathan Weiss
Music Supervisor, Music Publisher - Haiku Entertainment/Bunim-Murray Productions

Lindsay Wolfington
Owner, Music Supervisor - Lone Wolf Music Supervision; TV: One Tree Hill, Ghost Whisperer, Unhitched

Doug Wood
President/Owner - Omni Music
Composer - The Omni Music Library

Jeffrey Worob, Esq.
Attorney, Partner - Serling, Rooks & Ferrara LLP

David "Touch" Wright
Creative Director, Urban Music - Underdog Entertainment

Jenny Yates
Songwriter - "Standing Outside the Fire," "When You Come Back To Me Again," "Thicker than Blood," "Let Your Light Shine"

Donna Young
Founder, Owner - Donna Young Music

Adam Zelkind
Composer - TV: I Love New York, Flavor of Love, The Surreal Life, Charm School

Answer my question on LinkedIn and be seen in Hollywood

2008-03-31T13:29:00.000-07:00

I think about you constantly, dear reader, and I've always wondered something about you. Something special that I've never really made an effort to find out. And that's this:

What would you ask the composer of "Living On A Prayer,"
"Dude Looks Like A Lady" and "Livin' La Vida Loca"?

If you click through to answer my question on LinkedIn, your response may be featured at the ASCAP "I Create Music" Expo in Hollywood. Right at the corner of Hollywood and Highland.

LinkedIn is sponsoring an interview with Desmond Child, and the event will be integrated with LinkedIn Q&A. Child has written hits for Bon Jovi, KISS, Aerosmith, Ricky Martin and Kelly Clarkson. He's also produced a track on Mariah Carey's forthcoming album, "E=MC²", scheduled for release April 15. Read more on the LinkedIn page, and hit me with your best shot. If it's on the money, we'll feature it at the Expo. And if you're not on LinkedIn yet, you're just postponing career success. Sign up and answer my question!

A re-Virb in the mix? (UPDATE)

2008-03-25T00:50:00.001-07:00

It's high time someone spread a little pixie dust around magictown, because Virb keeps threatening to release a Beta 2 sometime soon and nobody's seemed to notice.

For those that aren't in the habit of donning every new social network, Virb is like MySpace if it didn't suck, or if it were designed by Apple, or if it had any ethic for user interface or basic aesthetics. Beyond an eye for elegance, Virb gives users the keys to the site by enabling HTML/CSS customization and allowing users to turn off other users' annoying customizations. If you're tired of going blind looking at MySpace glitter wallpaper, this is a good thing. Actually, nobody's really on MySpace anymore, so maybe this isn't a concern. But hey, in 2005, it was crazy annoying. I guess the 2008 equivalent is app overload on Facebook.

One of these landing pages was designed.

I recently talked to Virb's CEO Brett Woitunski about the site, and was amazed to find that Virb has a membership of about half a million, managed by a staff of about five. To compare, Facebook has 67 million members, while MySpace alleges a network of 229,577,923 (at press time). Consequently, the Virb clientele has an air of online aristocracy, a small community of design-minded people who care enough to put a little code into their public profile.

Virb was built on the success of Brett's initial web venture, PureVolume. The distinction between the two is sort of yin and yang: Virb is a social networking site with a music component, while PureVolume is a music site with a social networking component. The latter, built with sweat equity, now turns enough profit to float Virb during its startup phase. Both operate on an advertising model of revenue, and PureVolume offers a limited subscription service for its music members. It's been praised as a great avenue for indie bands to build an audience, and like Virb, it's a pretty place to scout new music online.

Now a year after initial launch, Virb hints fleetingly on its blog about a relaunch:

Starting next week, we will be posting the sign up process for the first phase of the Virb 2 private beta. I'll forego all the details at this moment and will post them alongside everything next week. Simply wanted to send out an update to let you know the ~~end~~ beginning is near!

This was two weeks ago. Virb's enthusiastic niche is surely fermenting over the upcoming release, though we don't know for sure since comments are disabled on the post. Whenever they drop do the bomb, I foresee good things, because they have the best model for a social network out there. The young company has engaged some talks from record companies and big media, but at this point, they'd make an easy steal for whatever incumbent monolith is light on the Web 2.0 front. With MySpace the property of NewsCorp, Facebook in Microsoft's hip pocket and Bebo bought out by AOL, I can only see Virb and/or PureVolume being snatched up wholesale by old media. Gannett, for one, is on the prowl.

But if there's one thing I despise, it's bloggers making self-informed prophecies about corporate buyouts. Who cares who's watching? Let's just hope if any money does take notice, they'll have the nerve trust the young bucks who built it to scale it, too. In the meantime, enjoy the boutique community while it lasts. Because scale is the end game of social networking. And right now Virb is like the amazing local band that you're hoping no one discovers. But it's only a matter of time.

UPDATE (3/28/08): Virb announced a private beta sign-up last night. Avid Virbers can sign up to test the new beta. Invitations will be sent out over the next few weeks. See coverage on Mashable here.

Easter eggs are the best.

2008-03-23T23:33:00.000-07:00

Whether it's Homsar hidden in a Trogdor toon or an automated psychotherapy script embedded in Mac OS X's Terminal, we love easter eggs. Like the oversized Mickey Mouse etched into the Tron countryside, or the understated phallus in the Little Mermaid cover. My art history teacher suggested that Michelangelo thumbed his nose at religious authority by painting phallic acorns on the ceiling of the Sistine Chapel.

Lifehacker has compiled 10 of their favorite software easter eggs, which we love. Software easter eggs are the best, because you really have to know some geek sauce to find them. Like Eliza:

How to find it: In the Mac Terminal (or at any command line), type emacs, hit Enter, press Escape, type "xdoctor" (no quotes).
What you get: An interactive dialogue with a shrink named Eliza. To get out of it, hit Control+X Control+C.

I'm pretty sure nobody stumbled on that by freestyling UNIX commands into the prompt, just to see what would happen. Eliza is actually somewhat theraputic, in a pointless kind of tao.

My favorite easter egg is musical, on my brother's debut album. For the rare collector that owns Jonathan Toth from Hoth's "Brainwashing: The Art of Hip-Hopera" on CD, there's a hidden track before the album begins. While everybody and their mother (read: Nirvana and Dave Matthews) had a "secret" track at the end of a CD, this was the first album ever to hide a pre-track at the beginning of the CD. To hear it, you have to play the first track and scan backwards for about 2:47. It begins with some mutant foreign language and segues into some obscure sermon about the ideal man over a freakazoid beat. I love this track, and it's one I hardly ever hear. Maybe the coolest contribution to the album, and effectively no one knows about it.

Post your favorite easter eggs (like, the ones that aren't already documented all over the web) in the comments.

I am blowing up on iLike

2008-03-19T20:47:00.000-07:00

Analog Jetpack is far-flung across America

2008-03-15T16:50:00.000-07:00

For those that haven't heard what the Analog Jetpack is out and about as of late, here's an update.

In the middle of last year, I moved to LA with plans of developing relationships in the music and television industry, hoping to expose Analog Jetpack, Indie Roots and all the many local DC talent to a wider audience. At the same time, bassist Dan Ryan and drummer Robby Sahm had taken up the rhythm section for a new DC act, Le Loup. They played their first show at the Velvet Lounge at the end of March a year ago, and following a show at Iota a couple weeks later, they were signed to the new Sub Pop subsidiary label, Hardly Art. They've taken the nation by storm, to say the least, with generous coverage in Pitchfork and all the right places. Currently Le Loup is down in Austin for SXSW, and following that, they'll be touring across America and back! Be sure to check out their MySpace page for tour dates.

Their album, "The Throne of the Third Heaven of the Nations Millennium General Assembly", is a broad concept conceived by lead singer/banjoist Sam Simkoff. It's lush with reverbed-out electronic sequences under mystic choruses and majestic roots instrumentation. Their live set, performed by a seven-piece act with keyboards, french horn, banjo, plenty of vocals and guitars and the compulsory drum & bass, does the album justice and promises huge things for future projects - check out the full album on iTunes.

My latest solo project is also a concept album at the other end of the spectrum, commissioned by a senior citizen in the midwest. It's my sixth album, entitled "For Mature Audiences Only," and it's like Muppet music for old folks. It departs from indie stylings to present a broad sampling specifically for senior citizens, from lounge to pop, cha cha, folk-rock and country blues. The resulting concept album is a whimsical tin-pan alley homage to old age for the +60 demographic. Executive Producer Judith McKelvey commissioned the project to tap the senior market, for whom little content is written. The album was recorded by Emmy-winner Jerome Maffeo in Baltimore, and mixed by Grammy-winner Dan Gellert in LA. Click on the image to listen and buy the album at CD Baby, or check it out on iTunes.

And of course, Analog Jetpack's debut release is now available in its limited-edition floppy disk packaging - click through to their MySpace page to see pics. This album was also recorded and produced by Jerome Maffeo in Baltimore, and it features lead guitars by Matt Jones of Jimmie's Chicken Shack and antifolk producer Spencer Chakedis. Check out the review by DC's City Paper, and click on the image to read more and listen to the full album at CD Baby, or check it out on iTunes.

That's what's up with Analog Jetpack, always keeping busy with some projects or others. Keep an eye out for a 'Net release of an Indie Roots tour documentary, covering the one-week DC Voting Rights Tour from 2007!

Refurbishing two modern chairs

2008-03-08T14:55:00.000-08:00

In late fall of 1996, my art professor got fed up with two pink vinyl chairs that haunted the old art studio atop the bluffs. They were modern and angular (oh, and pink and vinyl), an eyesore to some sensibilities. He put them out the curb in front of the building, where one of my classmates painted "THIS IS ART" on them.

I happened upon these chairs and was smitten. I claimed them as my own. My friends Justin and Sloan helped me carry them home. Sloan carried one inverted on his head, and the oil paint ruined his new jacket. It came off the chairs though, and suddenly I was a modernist.

Everyone has a comment on a set of pink vinyl chairs, particularly when you live in a dorm. The stylized design looked out of place amidst the cheap couches and institutional bunkbeds. I loved them because they were armless, perfect for playing guitar, and because they were pink and modern, an eyesore to some sensibilities. They survived college and the litany of editorial positions offered about them.

When I moved to New York City after college, I brought no furniture with me, so they remained at home, where my mom recovered them as a gift. I had always envisioned recovering them in something tactile, like suede. My mom had a St. Louis friend update their look with a deep green corduroy against a Santa Fe pattern. It wasn't what I would've chosen, but I was grateful to have them recovered, since they were falling apart by then.

Here's what they looked like by 2001:

I finally came back to St. Louis in 2003 and took them with me when I moved to DC. In 2005, my roommates got a puppy, who used one of the chairs to teethe with, tearing the fabric down to the wood beneath. This opened the door to recover them again, which of course didn't happen for another three years. My wife and I made it our first project last summer, and we're finally just about done. Neither of us have refinished furniture before, so it's not a perfect job. But we're happy with it. In 2008, my pink vinyl chairs now look like this:

Here are some photos of the refurbishing process. The first thing we did was to remove all the fabric, which was held in by hundreds and hundreds of staples and even some of the original nails. Underneath the fabric was burlap, a fluff of yellow padding like insulation, and beneath that, a wiry mess of stiff strawlike material, which covered the springs. Stripped down:

The many staples we pulled out, and some scraps of the original pink fabric:

Once the chairs were pulled apart, some repair was necessary. Some of the clips that held the springs in were broken and needed to be refashioned from sheet metal. Two pieces of the wood frame had been cracked in half, and these needed to be mended sturdily enough to be used again. In this picture, you can see the broken front panel being Gorilla Glued back together, as well as all the old nail and staple holes being filled with wood putty. Note also the legs have been sanded, as the previous upholsterer painted them dark green (and that's not my Diet Coke):

To make sure that the broken wood would still support someone sitting on it, I drilled holes and embedded pegs along the break before Gorilla Glueing them. Note the "Voney Art Studio 83/84" written on it. I guess that means the chairs are at least 25 years old. We can only guess at their manufacturing date, as there is no manufacturer listed. The materials suggest mid-century to me, but I hardly have any authority to guess.

One of the chairs has "PROPERTY OF S.W.R." written in pencil on the underside. This would be a mystery if my friend Amy hadn't come into my room in college and said, "You have my brother's chairs! Where did you get them?" I'd never met her brother, but apparently he had them in his yearbook photo years ago, before he left them to the art studio. Here's some detail of that, and the finished pieces ready for reassembly:

I don't have photos of all the work we did in covering the springs, which were tied together with twine, covered with burlap and a layer of foam. On a project like this, it's easy to get sidetracked and not touch it for months. (Which we did.) We started in August, and there are still a few things we need to do complete the job six months later. But who knows where to buy furniture tack strips? As a first attempt, we're satisfied with the job we did. It was probably an investment of 30-40 hours of work, so enjoying them daily is a payoff I'm happy with.

Two videos from the last Starfish show...

2008-03-07T10:46:00.000-08:00

Here's a couple more videos from the last Starfish show to get you all hyped up to come out Saturday night! Since most of you are anywhere but LA. Here's my acoustic version of "Bury Me In My Jetpack", and Tucker's "Christy Montana".

When an asterisk isn't enough to mock Barry Bonds

2008-03-03T22:43:00.001-08:00

Over the weekend I traveled up to scenic Solvang, a little piece of Disneyworld lodged in the California hills above Santa Barbara. Its charm lies in a hammy re-creation of a Danish village, complete with Scandinavian foods, touristy tchotchkes, and the odd shop taking a cheap shot at Barry Bonds.

In the latter case, it was a kitschy shoppe called the Wishing Well, featuring this Barry Bonds figurine in the front window for only $225. If you look carefully, there is a very subtle editorial contribution near his feet.

There are a few things wrong with this picture, not the least of which is the scale of the hypodermic, which would hold proportionally about four gallons of growth hormone. Next to that, a tag reads "Steroid Special - as clear as the HGH he used!!!" And beneath that, the artiste has included Bonds' autograph.

You'd think an asterisk would suffice.

Liveblogging: the upgrade to OS X Leopard

2008-02-29T21:56:00.000-08:00

I always like to think that upgrading one's system software is a piece of cake, but invariably it takes up 8-10 hours at least, and continues to gnaw away your time once you actually get using it. There's a lot that goes into a proper upgrade, mostly because you never really want to upgrade a pro system, you want to start over with a completely fresh install, backing up your vital data and erasing yourself a fresh clean slate to install your latest OS on. With this in mind, here's a summarized version of my upgrade to OS X Leopard, released late October 2007.

Setup: PowerMac G5, dual 1.8 GHz PowerPC processor (late 2003)
2 GB RAM, 2 x 250 GB internal HDs, 1 x 500 GB external HD

Step 1: Download one of the most beautifully simple freeware apps, Carbon Copy Cloner. For a failsafe backup, clone my entire 10.4 Tiger drive to a blank partition of my external HD. The other partition still has the Panther drive I cloned when I upgraded to Tiger in 2005. This HD arrangement is a virtual time machine, enabling me to boot to Panther, Tiger, or Leopard at will, while also using said drives for external storage.

Step 2: Reboot from the cloned external drive to verify it works and data is intact. Launch Disk Utility to erase the internal destination HD. Launch Drive Genius to verify the drive's integrity and defragment it if needed.

Step 3: Reboot from the Leopard install disk. Uncheck all the printer drivers, extra fonts, language translations and X11 to save a good 5 GB. Install to the internal Leopard HD partition.

Step 4: Reboot to the purple nebulaic Leopard Startup Assistant. Start totally fresh, importing no data to avoid software conflicts. Test network connectivity - note that accessing even simple html websites takes agonizingly long. This is a concern, as my laptop had terrible Web connectivity after upgrading to Leopard and I had to downgrade. Apple forums are full of this complaint. Hope a Software Update will resolve.

Step 5: Sync .Mac to get all my calendars, contacts, email accounts and bookmarks.

Step 6: Run Software Update to bring up system software to 10.5.2. Here the problems begin. System hangs after update is downloaded and the "Restart" prompt is approved. Left alone, it doesn't resolve for over and hour. Force shutdown.

Step 7: Boot to setup assistant, which was already completed once. This usually happens only if there is no user account established, which shouldn't be the case. Go through the Setup Assistant three times, each time resulting in it relaunching. Attempt to reboot to external drives - none but the faulty Leopard HD are recognized at the option-boot screen. Unplug all firewire devices - external HD and Digi 003 rack.

Step 8: Reboot from Leopard install disk. Launch Disk Utility. Out of curiosity, repair permissions on internal Leopard drive; process hangs for 5-10 minutes before finishing. Erase Leopard drive. Reinstall Leopard with same specs as before.

Step 9: Reboot to reformatted Leopard HD. Dance to Setup Assistant theme again. Launch Software Update. Click to only update Quicktime and Mac OS X. The 10.5.2 update alone is 341 MB. The update downloads, prompts to reboot and installs normally this time. The machine reboots, then reboots again. The update takes this time.

Step 10: Run Software Update again and there is an additional Mac OS X Graphics Update, plus Front Row and iTunes updates. Run those, reboot. Hook up external drive, it takes minutes to recognize in the FW800 port. Run Disk Utility to find the Tiger HD has an "Incorrect number of Access Control Lists (It should be 0 instead of 1)." Disk Utility fixes it. With the system software up to date, now begins the arduous task of putting the pro software on.

Step 11: There's a full list of downloadable software to run Mac OS X intelligently, and it looks something like this:

Coda (a great HTML editor and FTP software together)
Digi CoreAudio Manager (to power sound through the Digi 003)
Firefox 3.0 beta (for all the sites Safari can't handle)
Flash Player (to enable the wonderful world of Flash content)
Flip4Mac (to watch Windows Media Video files through Quicktime)
iScrobbler (to report iTunes rotation to last.fm)
Opera & Camino (for multi-browser testing/multi-user login)
Skype (for free Web-based phone calls)
Simplify Media (makes your iTunes a server that you can listen to remotely)
StuffIt Expander (do we actually need this anymore? it seems like every once in awhile)
Todos (may be redundant with the Applications folder in the dock, but handy)

There are many others, but they seem to come at you as you browse the web. Gotta have RealPlayer for this. DivX converter for that. Oh, and I just remembered the drivers for my HP laserjet and Epson inkjet/scanner. And of course, you've gotta have RockNES or Nestopia for your Nintendo fix. SnapzProX for good screen recording, Switch for converting all manners of audio formats, and all your widgets...

Step 12: As I get all into softwarin' up the system, the thought occurs to me that I'm still on Adobe CS1, c. 2003. After some investigatin' I say, screw it, let's download CS3 Web Premium. I don't have Flash, and now that it's integrated into the Creative Suite, I feel like it's fine time. It's only a 3 GB download, and they have a neat upgrade assistant that figures out what you can get with what you got. This leads to a two-hour support call to Time-Warner and Apple when I switch from wireless to ethernet for a more reliable connection and the ISP keeps populating with an invalid IP address. After being transferred to tier 3, they offer a solution I tried before calling, and it works.

Step 13: Research informs me that only Pro Tools HD is ready for Leopard, not Pro Tools LE. It's only four months since Leopard was released, so, no rush DigiDesign. I'm also only on Final Cut Studio 1 — is it time for FCP Studio 2?

I think that's just about enough of the liveblogging feature. The upgrade is up and running, though now I've got to figure out how soon to upgrade my old flatscreen iMac and the MacBook. Oddly enough, the real impetus to upgrade to Leopard was the new Back To My Mac feature of .Mac that lets you remotely control your home desktop from your laptop. And I haven't really thought much about that yet. But now when I'm fiending for something on the road that I know is on my home computer, it's on like Tron.

New album Tuesday: "For Mature Audiences Only"

2008-02-10T23:50:00.000-08:00

Okay team, for awhile I've been dropping hints about a new concept album coming up, and the proud day has arrived when I can offer you: an album for and about senior citizens.

I know what you're thinking, "But how can I get a copy of this if I'm not a senior citizen?" Fear not, we aren't discriminating against who can buy the album, nor against who can enjoy the album. But it was commissioned by a senior citizen, Executive Producer Judith McKelvey, and her intent was to make some quality tunes for the baby boom. (Aside from Beyoncé.)

My new album, "For Mature Audiences Only" is released February 12. It was recorded by Emmy-winner Jerome Maffeo in Baltimore and mixed by Grammy-winner Dan Gellert in LA. It features my friends Janessa Gans on violin and vocals, Suzanne Waters on vocals, Miles Decastro on sax, Christian Valiente on bass, and Jerome Maffeo on drums. I play a few instruments, including banjo and kazoo. The hardcopy booklet insert also features 12 pages of lyrics in fashionable period graphic design.

As this is my first project composed and produced on someone else's dime, I'd love it if you picked up a copy. It's a pure concept album, and you can listen to the whole album at iTunes, Last.fm or CD Baby, read lyrics and linear notes at my website, or buy a hardcopy from me with Paypal by clicking on the image below:

Here's a press release that will generate no buzz

2008-02-08T20:30:00.000-08:00

I came across this news item in one of my many feeds:

"AOL Launches New Website In Australia"

Is it a radical subsidiary or dynamic new style? Some new social network that nobody's seen before? No, it's just an Australian version of AOL's regular website.

The site offers AOL's suite of communications products, advanced video search, media player, and content focused on information and entertainment. AOL.com.au users will also have access to a search engine powered by Google, the Internet's leading search engine.

AOL has been around as a BBS since 1989, and they're just now launching an Australian website? They don't even have to translate a language to do this. MySpace was launched in 2003, and they have multilingual sites all over the world. I feel bad for AOL — they were the first face of the net as many knew it, and they are undoubtedly now the last.

Perhaps it's that new media doesn't play well with old media. It sure was interesting to watch Time-Warner move AOL right to the front of AOL-Time-Warner, and then later dispose of the AOL and go back to Time-Warner. It's like they were proud of their new toy, and when they figured out they didn't know how to work it, they put it in the closet. Huge mergers rarely signal that a company is doing its best innovation. It seems like when any multinational corporation arranges a merger, it's really for lack of anything better to do.

Which brings us to Microsoft's bid for Yahoo. While Microsoft is tech, they feel more like old media because they can't think quickly, they can't adapt to the times fluently. Their mandate now is to buy out others who can. I can only fathom that Microsoft would pick up Yahoo, absorb their services somewhat, and then Yahoo would just become as slow as Microsoft to adapt to change.

That said, I hate reading blogs and op-eds intoning that Microsoft's $60 billion gross last year proves they're obsolete. Microsoft is a powerhouse, and so are the major media companies, and wherever they sit on the bell curve of relevance, it's a big bell curve. They're a cash trust and an asset bank. So let's get real.

No matter how much one envisions a world run on OS X or Linux, the tech monoliths and media monopolies are firmly ensconced. Maintaining a huge market share is really just a matter of choosing what flavor of vanilla. Provided they don't aggressively drive consumers away with blunders like Beacon, they'll stick around. At least until the next aimless merger.

"Relentlessly comical"

2008-02-07T18:24:00.000-08:00

This is a few weeks old, but it's my quote of the day from the BBC, on why clowns are terrifying to kids:

It is the fear of the mask, the fact that it doesn't change and is relentlessly comical.

Just that description of why it's terrifying sort of terrifies me. The fear of the mask... it doesn't change... relentless comical... *dies gripping bike horn*

"Relentlessly Comical" should be the title for Zach Galifianakis' autobiography. Not that I'm calling him a clown.

(via John Aboud)

Apple's new Feist: Yael Naim

2008-02-07T18:11:00.001-08:00

In the event that anyone is wondering who that earnest, hopeful voice is on the new MacBook Air ads, here's the artist herself. I see Apple seeking to duplicate their success with Feist, not so much on behalf of the artist, but to maintain their own ouevre as cultural même providers beyond the tech industry. I'd say they did a bang-up job in selecting Yael Naim's "New Soul".

(via ChannelKris)

Lyrical blueprint for 2008 RPM Challenge

2008-02-06T22:27:00.000-08:00

I've stepped up to the 2008 RPM Challenge.

To help me visualize the project as it develops from scraps and rags, I've written all my lyrics on a page, overlapping and blending according to their arrangement on the album. Most of this is stream of consciousness based on loose titles I assigned according to the sound of a riff or chord progression. I wrote most of these over the weekend on a plane to Boston, a train to New York City, and a plane back to LA.

This is step one. The album will be called "t3h pwn".

Frozen Foods in the Boston Phoenix

2008-02-06T12:12:00.000-08:00

Writer Ben Westhoff covers some Frozen Food projects old and new in the Boston Phoenix this week, including a photo by our St. Louis friend Benjamin Shepard:

Retro tech lust: unopened Apple //c

2008-02-06T09:43:00.000-08:00

Via BoingBoing, here's a Flickr set of a guy opening an unopened Apple //c he won off eBay. This was my first computer too, so I can't help but have a retro tech lust for this pristine bit of computing history. We played everything from Tapper and Lady Tut to Castle Wolfenstein, Ali Baba and the Forty Thieves, and the text-based Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy on that machine. To say nothing of writing innovative BASIC scripts like:

10 HOME
20 PRINT "ROB IS THE BEST!!!!!!"
30 FLASH
40 GOTO 10

Looking at the list of games, I'm kind of impressed that all of that was available for those old machines. Look at that brilliant packaging. The polychrome Apple logo. It'd still be as sexy now if they offered it as a brand new product. Over a MacBook Air? Maybe.

Probably not. But maybe.

An artful plagiarism in children's furniture

2008-01-29T23:33:00.001-08:00

Here's a good way to give your kid some culture with their need for speed / need for arctic animals: a polar bear rocker. A rocking bear, if you will. The culture aspect comes from the origin of the bear, which incidentally, Netto doesn't mention on their product page: a sculpture by François Pompon in the Musée D'Orsay. I recognized it as I happened to sketch the sculpture in my journal while abroad in college. At the time, it seemed to me that Coca-Cola was quoting Pompon's Ours Blanc in their polar bear ads. Netto's use is less subtle — it's exactly the same. Nice use of fine art, but they should probably give some credit somewhere.

TSA sitting break

2008-01-29T23:10:00.001-08:00

I thought this was a funny enough picture to snap with my iPhone. TSA taking a break. Tu lo mereces, as they say in funny talk. But what wasn't funny was the adrenaline rush I got taking the photo, wondering if I was gonna be shaken down or beat down or cited under meaningless codes in the name of homeland security. I've seen enough pathetic police action in the news to know that the authorities like to invent laws regarding camera usage around the authorities. The feeling I got suggested a lot about where our government's positioned itself in regards to security. Surveillance by the citizenry is discouraged or outlawed, while surveillance of the citizenry is mandatory. That sounds like a police state to me.

'Kernel panic' is fun to say.

2008-01-29T22:58:00.001-08:00

I had the honor of my first Mac OS X kernel panic yesterday. This screen strikes fear into the technologically faint of heart (and those on deadline), but it was more of a curiosity to me. In four years on this G5 PowerMac, I don't think I've had a kernel panic myself, but I dealt with hundreds when I worked as a Mac Genius.

You need to restart your computer. Hold down the Power button for several seconds or press the Restart button.

When my computer tells me "You need to restart your computer," I like to fire back at it, "No, you need to restart your computer!!!" The circumstances were innocuous at best with one app open, Mail. It panicked when I quit. Seeing it freeze was a small thrill. It's almost a challenge to kp Mac OS X. It's like a rush, like when Jay yells "yeeeeeaaaaah!" in Clerks.

Kernel panics aren't the end of your computer, but it probably means your software needs some cleanup. Worst case scenario, you have to boot from your restore disk by holding down the C key at startup and do an archive and install. Or actually, worst case scenario is that your processor needs replacing. But that would only be the case if this was happening again and again after your computer heated up. Which means essentially, ha ha, a new computer. When in doubt, hit up apple.com/support.

It hasn't happened since. It's probably just that the system is over two years old and runs some heavy-duty apps. Most heavy Windows users I know say they have to reinstall every six months, so I'd say one kernel panic in four years isn't so bad. And really, I like saying "kernel panic". I picture popcorn having a neurotic episode.

Jack Kerouac: "To Harpo Marx"

2008-01-26T16:59:00.000-08:00

In preparation for this Beat retrospective tomorrow night, I met Tucker Booth and Colin Campbell down at the Hermosa Beach Historical Society. They've got a great facility down there, and the show should be engaging. Hermosa Beach has a good sense of its own cultural identity, and that makes a place desirable, to know where it's been and where it's going. That identity includes a good deal of Beat culture. Colin told me he used to visit the old bums playing chess in the park out here, one reading Marx while the other moved, and the other reading Sartre while the first moved. Resulting in very long games.

The interesting artifacts in their collection include a full lifeguard station, a variety of significant antique signage, and all kinds of historical Hermosa tchochkes. But what caught my eye was an item by Jack Kerouac in an old Playboy magazine from the 1960s, entitled "To Harpo Marx":

O Harpo! When did you seem like an angel
    the last time?
    and played the gray harp of gold?

When did you steal the silverware
    and bug-spray the guests?

When did your brother find rain
    in you sunny courtyard?

When did you chase your last blonde
    across the Millionaires' lawn
    with a bait hook on a line
    protruding from your bicycle?

Or when last you powderpuffed
    your white flour face
    with fishbarrel cover?

Harpo! Who was that Lion
    I saw you with?

How did you treat the midget
    and Konk the Giant?

Harpo, in your recent nightclub appearance
    in New Orleans were you old?
    were you still chiding with your horn
    in the cane at your golden belt?

Did you still emerge from your pockets
    another Harpo, or screw on
    new wrists?

Was your vow of silence an Indian Harp?

I'm sure I'm not unique in holding Harpo Marx as a personal hero, but to see him celebrated by the king of the Beats is a kind of thrill. Two nights ago around 2 am, I remembered the New Yorker was holding a contest to interpret their foppish dandy mascott, Eustice Tilly. The deadline was 9 am (EST) yesterday. Cursing myself that I had neglected to contribute, I took a few hours and whipped this up before grabbing a few hours' sleep for work. It's not perfect, but that's the story of my bachelor's in studio art. I'm happy with having cast Harpo as an inversion of Tilly. I think there's some nice symmetry to it.

Saturday night at Hermosa Beach Historial Society

2008-01-24T12:04:00.001-08:00

See the flyer here.

Come down to Hermosa Beach this Saturday night. Tucker Booth and I will be playing at the Hermosa Beach Historical Society's beat poet retrospective, "The Beat Goes On." Details below!

To whet your appetite, here are a couple of videos from our show last month at the Starfish Learning Center. I play an acoustic rendition of "We The Freaks", from And How They Flew, while Tucker plays a rare piano composition about super heroes.

The Beat Goes On

A night of poetry at the Hermosa Beach Historical Society, 710 Pier Ave, Hermosa Beach, California.

4:30 pm - Dr. Colin Campbell presents "The Beatnik Movement in Southern California"

6:30 - Bob Hare, Founder of the Insomniac presents its history & performs, followed by poetry readings, special exhibits, and live music by Tucker Booth and Rob Getzschman.

Stealth Burger Reviews: Jack In The Box 100% Sirloin Burger

2008-01-23T22:11:00.000-08:00

The alleged 100% sirloin

Tonight, to finish the sad trifecta of oversized mass-market burgers, I took on Jack In The Box's 100% Sirloin Burger. It's clearly set up to compete directly with The Six Dollar Burger at Carl's Jr. and the 2/3 Pound Angus Burger at McDonald's. In fact, it really looks like there's a shared marketing panel between these three that agreed it was time to dress up some fast food into something more like meatloaf, with big picnic toppings and specially designed packaging.

Right off the bat, Jack In The Box tells us they're playing for keeps: their box is hexagonal. Bang! Kind of looks like the big pod where Darth Vader spends his down time, but it's got a remarkable factor to it. Like the others, the burger has the SoCal handwrap on it, and it weighs like a shot put. The pickles were cut long-wise and laid across like bacon, which gets style points. No sesame seeds on the bun. I must say, the 100% Sirloin Burger was the first I physically had trouble taking a bite of. I sort of had to circle it for a few minutes, plan my attack. Even then, it's size resisted consumption. From there, it clearly stood above and beyond Carl's and McDonald's.

Jack's burger has one distinctive advantage in the taste of the meat. Whereas Carl's and McDonald's went for the Angus, which is a breed, Jack just went for sirloin, which is ostensibly steak. Honestly, I could taste the difference. It was kind of like I was eating, ironically, a salisbury steak, which is hamburger made to look like a steak, but either way, there was a distinctive flavor of the beef that sets the 100% Sirloin Burger apart from the others. And if I'm going to bother with fancified fast food, I don't want it to be more of their usual burger. I want a robust bouquet with high notes of citrus and sandalwood.

So hopefully from here on out I'll be eating burgers that you can't eat all across America. Because while burgers are America's best contribution to world cuisine, the best aren't made by international corporations. They're made by people. People: it's what's for dinner.

Moldy Peaches on The View

2008-01-23T01:48:00.000-08:00

Cultural collision on The View

The Moldy Peaches of antifolk fame were on ABC's The View on Monday. It's a trip to see them on national television, and I must say, a cultural triumph. Without a movie like Juno, this song and this act would never be on mainstream television. I would still guess that the average producer would be perplexed by the performance. They tried their best to get some camera dynamics in there, but it plays odd against Adam and Kimya's placid presence.

It's nice to see they'll be playing DC tonight at Crooked Beat, one of the last remaining record stores. That store can fit about eight people at a time, so it should be an interesting show.

It occurs to me, now that the Moldy Peaches are everywhere, that this is a pretty amazing case of trickle-up culture-nomics. Kimya and Adam have been playing for over a decade, and have even been on hiatus for years, but the success of Juno pulled the trigger for them. I imagine there'll be a halo effect, and indie directors will emulate Jason Reitman's selection of unknown artists. It's one thing to do it with a pop-ready sound like the Shins on Garden State — it's another thing to do it with a band that sings "Downloading Porn with Dave-o."

I imagine Jeffrey Lewis' stuff will pop up in an indie flick next.

Rob Getzschman in Greenwich Village, c. 2000

2008-01-23T00:56:00.000-08:00

My friend Vic just pulled this off the shelf, one of my first performances after moving to New York City. This was at the Baggott Inn on West 3rd, at an open mic. The club never had what you'd call a scene around it, but it was a place a lot of antifolkers played when they were new or looking for somewhere to play besides Avenue A.

I love Victor's summary of the night: "Anti-Folk artist Rob Getzschman delights a young upwardly mobile crowd of middle management execs with his melodic ballads of working man blues." So yeah, cool club.

The first song is the first off my first album, so it's interesting to see it in context when it was a mainstay in my songlist. The other song, "Manual Labor Pains" was a crowd favorite (clearly), though I only recorded a demo of it.

Kinda painful to watch.

The shower poof as model of expanding universe

2008-01-21T20:16:00.001-08:00

(Fig.1) Negative illustrates

energy at the core.

Now I'm no doctor of physics, and in fact, I wouldn't even consider myself an armchair cosmologist, but there's something about a shower poof that seems ideally suited to modeling the expanding universe. Follow me here, because this blog post will be plagiarized by doctoral candidates, so I need you to bear witness to the genius. It all started here. Or actually, in my shower.

When you buy a shower poof, something amazing happens — people brand you a metrosexual. Your sexuality will be questioned around a theme of health and beauty products. This can be avoided by not telling your male friends that you use a poof instead of a washcloth. But when one experiences the sheer volume of suds that a poof has to offer, no rational being — hetero, homo or asexual — would pass up a shower poof.

That hurdle overcome, you can observe the slow transformation that occurs after you buy a shower poof. Typically they come tightly bound around a central core, where the fabric is gathered in ruffles. After months of use, the fabric pulls away from the core, expanding in folded planes away from the core.

(Fig.2) The shower poof.

I can only imagine this parallels a model of the universe as it expands. The photos I've attached here resemble something like a big bang, expanding in mathematical planes away from an origin in three dimensions. And imagining the relationships at the atomic level, I can't help but think it would make a perfect fractal of the universe.

I've color corrected these photos so that one can better envision what I'm talking about. Fig.1 is a negative image of my poof as it hangs in the shower. Fig.2 is the same poof against a black backdrop. As in these images, an explosion the size of the big bang wouldn't send matter and energy hurdling away at an equal rate in all directions; rather, waves would form and confront space at different intervals, creating an expanding cloud something like a shower poof.

Moreover, some of the color intensity seems to illustrate how energy or gases could gather in the folds and toward the core. Perhaps it doesn't relate, but it reminds me that light bends around planets and that some physicists propose that even the laws of physics evolve over time.

Fig.3 The unbound poof.

What's interesting to me is that a shower poof is actually one long plane, bunched again and again (Fig.3), and as it collapses on itself, it becomes spherical. A priori reasoning leads me to deduce that the universe grows closer to planar as it expands, much as planets share a plane of orbit. (Don't they? Is that typical of solar systems of every kind?)

This post is open to all sorts of criticism, as I have nothing but imagination for credentials. I'd like to say I've read some pop cosmology like A Brief History of Time, but really I'm just riffing. So if you're an expert, feel free to enlighten us with the latest theories. It is my hope that breaking this discussion on the blogosphere will out enough closeted poof users to dissolve the stigma associated with using a shower poof. I don't think Stephen Hawking has to put up it.