Wednesday, March 14, 2007

MySpams is the place to be.

Has anyone else noticed that the actual user base of MySpace has become almost exclusively spammers? It's gotten to the point that whenever I get a message, comment or friend request, I think, "Oh, a new porncam profile" or "hey, another iPhone hoax" or maybe "wow, a 48-point font rejoinder to see who is spying on my profile."

Perhaps it's not amazing that I'm more conditioned to expect spam than glad tidings from good fellows. With every new communication technology, there's a moment of celebration, followed by back to status quo, which is not bothering.

Even Alexander Graham Bell, who invented the telephone, made a rash of calls to friends and family with his latest innovation before realizing the conversation was lacking and resumed quietly rocking the latest dixieland burner on his phonograph.

At this *very* moment, I can jump on IM, text message, MySpace comments, blog comments, any of five email addresses, Skype, cell phone, hard-wired "telephone", send a package or kindly missive via postal service, or tie a love note to a passenger pigeon to exchange thoughts and sentiments with my peoples. But I usually don't.

It's not that I don't stay in touch, I do. I usually just let communication ferment until the expiration date is just past. Then I smell the missive, and if it doesn't have that aura of sour milk, I reply with laurels and tardy apologies. And for this standard of last-possible-ever communiqu.., I will be needing an iPhone.

It's all I want this year. It really is. While the Zune is crazy tempting in that obsolete-before-it-hits-the-shelves kind of way, I can forego it if it means attaining a device that offers communication the kind of ease of use one would expect from Apple or a generous dosage of ecstasy. Currently I have the choix de mob Moto Razr, which gave me great hope in its pursuit of elegant design. Turns out, I hate it. It is loaded with crippling Verizon software and responds like a sated feline in the afternoon sun. I'm eagerly anticipating introducing it to my tuckpointing hammer, which I will post on YouTube. (don't extend the cat metaphor to the hammer part)

The facts that a) all these spammers are phishing with iPhone promos and b) Apple doesn't seem to be stopping them, both cheapen the experience a little bit. And the fact that the iPhone won't improve the quality or quantity of my communications. But it will improve the experience with which I grudgingly communicate. And that makes it worthwhile.

This blog wasn't intended to be a paean for the iPhone, but rather, a torrent of zinging disrespect for the sad lot who friend me to check out my other site here. That's fine though. They seem to be doing just fine without my endorsement.

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