Thursday, June 12, 2008

I saw Bono stalk Woody Allen at Cannes

I've been an avid conference goer over the last few months, as my job has me going to many of them representin' and whatnot. So I've become very familiar with the post-panel stalk. Conferencegoers want to talk to the famous guy on the panel, they move to the front of the stage, they wait patiently for the appropriate moment to corner them and move in for the kill. I've seen it done to LinkedIn founder Reid Hoffman, to Toto's David Paitch, to Bob Lefsetz. I know the stalk well, though I generally eschew it. I did it to Steve "guitar" Miller in April, just to tell him I was amazed how fresh he kept his catalog, and that he was a good sport hanging around to be stalked. He said he lives out in the country, so it's nice to see people.

Another guy did it to me, feeling me out to see if I was famous. When he realized I wasn't, he asked me to take a photo of him with Natasha Beddingfield.

But in Cannes, I saw something remarkable: I saw Bono stalk Woody Allen.

Bono is about as big as you can get. If Bono can get a lunch with Africa, I'm pretty sure he can get Woody Allen on the phone. But in Cannes, I saw Bono stalk Woody Allen after the screening of Vicki Christina Barcelona like a hopeful sales rep dogging Steve Ballmer. In fact, I got a photo of it:

There, see him? That's Rebecca Hall in front of Woody, and behind them both is Bono. Let's look closer.

See Woody to the left of Rebecca? And Bono behind, clapping his rhythm-gifted rock star hands to mask the post-panel stalk. I was there. I saw it. See Fig. 1:

Bono is the leader of the free world. Why is he stalking Woody Allen? Woody is an auteur, and certainly celebrated in France, but can't Bono just have his people call Woody's people? Does Bono need to bust the Cannes post-premiere screening stalk on Woody?

He moves in mysterious ways. With mysterious orange safety glasses.

They say it's in the eyes. Bono's fathomless eyes, that have beheld other worlds than these. They seem to be saying, "If I can get between him and Rebecca Hall..."

There are some things mere men may never know. But Bono knows.

Bono Knows.